Why You Need to Be Selfish


It’s not selfish to put yourself first.

In fact, it’s selfless.

If you do not put yourself first, you will not be a full enough person to give to others.

You will be too full, with no energy left for yourself. Your body and mind will be drained from an overabundance of crap – your own and other peoples.

I see the craziest accusations. One I saw the other day was that a couple were bad parents because the wife said she was excited to have no baby around for their vacation.

Really? I think that a vacation will make them better parents. It will allow them to empty themselves, to empty the reservoir, so that they have internal space again to fill up.

That space fills quickly, and usually with what we don’t want.

For instance, for months I was reading constantly about all sorts of things to do with business, self improvement, money, goals, and on and on, and it was super inspiring and I had a set schedule for blogging and writing and I was hardcore in my work towards a bunch of goals, but eventually I just needed to stop and do NOTHING.

I was too full. I didn’t have a chance to really integrate or absorb anything because I was doing too much.

And then because I was doing all these little things, I was not actually doing what I wanted to be doing – instead, I was sitting in my house on a computer all day.

Not exactly what I had in mind when my ideal life is a free one, where I do whatever I want WITHOUT a schedule, and without strictly enforced rules (even when they’re my own).

If you’re lethargic and overwhelmed, it is not selfish to say Fuck It and do what you want – as long as it is WHAT YOU WANT, and not just something to numb yourself or distract yourself.

Silence is the best thing – noise is just more junk to fill you to the brim, and you don’t want that. You want to let it all slip out in a steady stream, so you have a good internal energy flow again.

That flow equals glow.

When you take that time for you, your mood will shift, you will be happier, more attentive, more generous, more lively, kinder, softer, more creative.

When you take on the weight of the world, of your friends, family, jobs, and so on, you leave little space for what truly matters to you and makes you fulfilled. You have no energy to do those things, and so they get put in the cupboard until the day comes where you find that energy – but unless you make that space for yourself to empty and refill, you won’t ever find it. You MUST put yourself first and make that space, that time – and not just on a rare occasion, but as often as possible.

The goal here is to be the best possible human. There are already too many terrible ones. Most of us are just mediocre, which is why when we come across someone that is very kind, or very passionate, or very excited, we are baffled – and we want it for ourselves.

We all can have it, but only in certain environments and circumstances, and we have to make the room for that – our very sanity depends on it.

If we don’t make room for ourselves, we are just a jumble inside of everything we encounter – other people, the news, toxic “food,” customers, and so on – so without putting ourselves first, we are NOT ourselves at all. Those things are like parasites, sucking up all the energy and life we have (and we all have it) – when we remove those parasites, LIFE RETURNS. The energy is FREED UP for us to use again.

Get rid of all that depletes your spirit.

Excavate your home and environment of everything that distracts you.

Get out of the house, and into the forest, ocean, jungle, desert.

Have someone else watch the children for a while – for as long as possible.

Give your digestive system a break – have a day of just water, or fresh juices, of fresh fruits only.

Be in SILENCE. No phone, no music, no podcasts, no TV, no games, no internet, no news. NOTHING.

Meditate. Breathe. Let it all flow OUT.

And when you emerge again, fill yourself up FIRST with what you love – then whatever is left over can be spent on the others you love – don’t waste that space. Don’t fill up constantly with negative, harmful garbage – most of what we are surrounded by is not even necessary for us.

Do the necessary only – the essential needs, and the dire desires. The true things that sing to your soul. The only things that light you up.

Trash the rest – it’s not your shit.


Please leave a comment and share!!

If you enjoyed this post (or any of my posts!), please consider a small (or large!) donation to fund my way to a martial arts seminar. There are rewards for certain amounts given, so please help out with a “tip” or a gift! You’ll be helping me to improve so I can teach other women to kick ass in the future!

You can also follow me on:

Instagram: Lorrafae and Passion School

Twitter: MissLorra

Facebook: Lorra Fae Wildfire

Snapchat: Lorrafae


Lifting Facades and Being Selfish

I think selfishness is great.

Not in terms of saying “eff you” to everyone you care for, but in the majority of things in life, doing what YOU want above all else is paramount to living a life of purpose and adventure.

Screw the majority. Yes, keep close friends and loved ones high on your list, but even then, when it comes to YOUR most important ideals, no one should be able to stop you.

There is the old adage of not being able to help others before you help yourself (or love others before you love yourself) – and it is very true. Yet most people are under the delusion that others can make them whole, or help them heal.

I’ll give you an example.

When you’re sick, you go to the doctor. What sort of health is your doctor in? Are they robust, bursting with energy, vitality, fitness? Do they ask you about your diet and lifestyle? Do they ask about nutrition at all? Do they KNOW anything about it at all? Can they help you without writing prescriptions or shilling drugs?

Really be wary of who you take advice from. If they are not getting results you would personally want, then run, quickly. Find someone who knows what they are talking about, or be very still and listen to your intuition.

This also goes for listening to advice from others about situations they themselves have trouble with.

When you take care of yourself first, that is when you can start to dispense wisdom to others. Otherwise keep your mouth shut! Send them in the direction of people who do know what they are talking about.

Generally over the last few years, I have told people to read certain books instead of giving them advice – I was (and still am) learning. I have only recently felt like I’ve reached a point where I feel I have a good enough base knowledge, enough self-respect, self-love, and real knowledge to share.

When you love and do things for yourself, you feel so good that your energy precedes you. Wherever you go, you glow, and people notice this before they notice you. They will then want to be near you, want to know your secrets, and trust you, because you have what they want.

You won’t get into this state without being selfish. You must do everything it takes to be the whole person you are, under all the toxic bullshit we’re exposed to daily through food, air, water, and negative people and images.

You might have to shun certain people who you care for.
You might have to change careers, or move.
You might have to leave your relationship.
You might have to tattoo a reminder on your wrist.
You might have to delete all social media.
You might have to demolish your microwave.
You might have to throw your TV out a window.

It doesn’t matter what you give up – it matters what you GAIN.

Be selfish and true to yourself – you will have so much more to give once you are being who you really are.

Facades are for scared people.



Photographer of above image: unknown.