Why You Need to Be Selfish

 

It’s not selfish to put yourself first.

In fact, it’s selfless.

If you do not put yourself first, you will not be a full enough person to give to others.

You will be too full, with no energy left for yourself. Your body and mind will be drained from an overabundance of crap – your own and other peoples.

I see the craziest accusations. One I saw the other day was that a couple were bad parents because the wife said she was excited to have no baby around for their vacation.

Really? I think that a vacation will make them better parents. It will allow them to empty themselves, to empty the reservoir, so that they have internal space again to fill up.

That space fills quickly, and usually with what we don’t want.

For instance, for months I was reading constantly about all sorts of things to do with business, self improvement, money, goals, and on and on, and it was super inspiring and I had a set schedule for blogging and writing and I was hardcore in my work towards a bunch of goals, but eventually I just needed to stop and do NOTHING.

I was too full. I didn’t have a chance to really integrate or absorb anything because I was doing too much.

And then because I was doing all these little things, I was not actually doing what I wanted to be doing – instead, I was sitting in my house on a computer all day.

Not exactly what I had in mind when my ideal life is a free one, where I do whatever I want WITHOUT a schedule, and without strictly enforced rules (even when they’re my own).

If you’re lethargic and overwhelmed, it is not selfish to say Fuck It and do what you want – as long as it is WHAT YOU WANT, and not just something to numb yourself or distract yourself.

Silence is the best thing – noise is just more junk to fill you to the brim, and you don’t want that. You want to let it all slip out in a steady stream, so you have a good internal energy flow again.

That flow equals glow.

When you take that time for you, your mood will shift, you will be happier, more attentive, more generous, more lively, kinder, softer, more creative.

When you take on the weight of the world, of your friends, family, jobs, and so on, you leave little space for what truly matters to you and makes you fulfilled. You have no energy to do those things, and so they get put in the cupboard until the day comes where you find that energy – but unless you make that space for yourself to empty and refill, you won’t ever find it. You MUST put yourself first and make that space, that time – and not just on a rare occasion, but as often as possible.

The goal here is to be the best possible human. There are already too many terrible ones. Most of us are just mediocre, which is why when we come across someone that is very kind, or very passionate, or very excited, we are baffled – and we want it for ourselves.

We all can have it, but only in certain environments and circumstances, and we have to make the room for that – our very sanity depends on it.

If we don’t make room for ourselves, we are just a jumble inside of everything we encounter – other people, the news, toxic “food,” customers, and so on – so without putting ourselves first, we are NOT ourselves at all. Those things are like parasites, sucking up all the energy and life we have (and we all have it) – when we remove those parasites, LIFE RETURNS. The energy is FREED UP for us to use again.

Get rid of all that depletes your spirit.

Excavate your home and environment of everything that distracts you.

Get out of the house, and into the forest, ocean, jungle, desert.

Have someone else watch the children for a while – for as long as possible.

Give your digestive system a break – have a day of just water, or fresh juices, of fresh fruits only.

Be in SILENCE. No phone, no music, no podcasts, no TV, no games, no internet, no news. NOTHING.

Meditate. Breathe. Let it all flow OUT.

And when you emerge again, fill yourself up FIRST with what you love – then whatever is left over can be spent on the others you love – don’t waste that space. Don’t fill up constantly with negative, harmful garbage – most of what we are surrounded by is not even necessary for us.

Do the necessary only – the essential needs, and the dire desires. The true things that sing to your soul. The only things that light you up.

Trash the rest – it’s not your shit.

~~~

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If you enjoyed this post (or any of my posts!), please consider a small (or large!) donation to fund my way to a martial arts seminar. There are rewards for certain amounts given, so please help out with a “tip” or a gift! You’ll be helping me to improve so I can teach other women to kick ass in the future!

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4 Reasons You Should Do Morning Pages to Improve Your life

4 Ways Morning Pages from The Artist's Way can Change your Life for the better

Morning Pages are the brainchild of Julia Cameron, who famously wrote The Artist’s Way back in 1992 – a book I have had in my home for well over a decade. Earlier this year, I felt a soft whisper in my mind – a call to finally read the book and do what it contained.

Morning Pages involve three pages of stream-of-consciousness writing every day when you wake up, before anything else, and you’re not allowed to stop, or edit, or really even think about what you’re writing. You spill your guts. You literally write whatever comes to mind. You can write “blah blah blah” until something else starts to form. It’s a release – you just open up and let it all fall on to paper.

Back in 1999 or so, I did start the course of the book, but didn’t get far, mostly because I was terrible at getting up early.

I was also put off by the use of the word “God” – even though it does not need to be read as a literal, religious term when it comes to the book. Once I got past this, the true worth of the book’s contents could shine. To allow one word or a basic concept to shroud the rest of it was absurd to me. (This was also something I struggled with in regards to the Anastasia series).

I did continue with Morning Pages for a while, but was deterred because I was so easily called to hit my snooze button, or I was more likely lured by the call of the Internet, still a fairly new addiction back then.

This year, however, I stuck with Morning Pages, and have, daily for months on end. I have completed about 8 weeks of the Artist’s Way and was so overwhelmed with ideas and inspiration (along with other things that stole my time) that the last few weeks are still something I need to finish.

The Morning Pages stuck, though, because they have been instrumental in my life changes.

They got me to start creating again. They lit a fire within me. They got me to quit my stupid job. They led me to see what was absolutely stupid in my life and what I needed to change.

They can do the same for you.

 

  1. They will show you your patterns.

When you start your day with writing about anything that comes to mind, and without thinking about it, patterns show up. When you find yourself writing about the same things over and over, you start to realize how monotonous and boring your life has become. You’ll start to see the same old complaints day in and day out. “My job sucks. I hate my life. My partner is annoying. I need to eat better. I feel sick again. I am depressed. I need to sleep more. I have a dry mouth. I woke up 10 times last night. I wish I could go on vacation. I don’t want to go to work. I’m sick of cleaning this bloody house.” Or whatever. On and on.

Our constant complaints, and what our subconscious spills out on the page consistently, comes to the forefront of our minds where we start to think constantly and consciously about them. We discover what things need to change. Then, we can start to write about alternatives.

       2. They will allow your subconscious to speak to you clearly.

We are so bombarded with information and distractions that it becomes almost impossible to listen to our inner voices, and to our hearts. Having 15-20 minutes of stream-of-consciousness writing allows us to FOCUS and also spill out what has been brewing without our even noticing, due to everything else going on. Then, those hidden gems are right in front of us, where we can see them start coming to life.

       3. They will inspire new life and new creations

Most people have their best ideas randomly, when they have no distractions. In the shower, walking, swimming, exercise, washing the dishes, meditation, the moments before falling asleep – singular tasks that don’t require a lot of thought – when your mind is allowed to wander. Often when people have these ideas, they’re fleeting because they are in a place where they do not have the means to write them down, and the ideas fly away like tiny birds, never to be seen again. With Morning Pages, they spill out ON paper, so even though you may not always want to re-read your pages, at least you know where those ideas are. They are made immortal, they can always be revisited. Thus, it will inspire action. You’ll have your beautiful ideas ready for you, and they can’t escape, they are caged, just waiting to be freed!

       4. They allow a fresh start to the day.

The pages are incredibly helpful for waking up. I’ve often started them while groggy, only to be wide awake upon finishing. On days where I have woken in a melancholy state, I have worked through it on paper and end up feeling hopeful. The days where I haven’t wanted to do them have been the more beneficial. I’ve had the most insight, and the most positive effect.

I highly encourage you to at least try this practice, even if you don’t go through the whole Artist’s Way course (which I do recommend doing()! Try it for at least a month and see what changes happen for you.

If none do…practice the pages for longer. I promise, you can expect great things to occur.

~~~

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If you enjoyed this post (or any of my posts!), please consider a small (or large!) donation to fund my way to a martial arts seminar. There are rewards for certain amounts given, so please help out with a “tip” or a gift! You’ll be helping me to improve so I can teach other women to kick ass in the future!

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How to Feel Alive

Lorra Fae Wildfire of Passion School writes about how to feel alive, how to really live, poetry about life, naomi campbell with a cheetah running in the wind

Only certain things make me feel completely alive.

I don’t want to feel alive only some of the time.

I need a vigor and a lust to feel free, or when the day ends I feel like my minutes and seconds have been wasted on the minutiae of life, the things that really do not matter.

Where is the lasciviousness, the wonder? Where is the amazement and glory and heart-racing buzz that comes with a life fully lived?

I only feel alive when I’m adventurous
When I am fully immersed in the moment
I feel alive only when I am interacting with the real
When I am writing in full speed
When it flows like potions
When it just screams out and I can’t contain it
I can’t help but dance
because there is only motion
I can’t help but run
because there is only wind
I can’t help but kiss and squeal and swoon
because there is only desire

Every morsel tastes like orgasms
Every touch feels like the universe is coursing through my blood
Every movement feels like I’m a warrior
Every breath feels like fresh forest streams

Sex feels like I’m in another dimension
Love feels like the only thing that exists
Nature feels like the only real home
Sleep feels like a teacher
Waking feels like rebirth
So it can all begin again
Where life can seep through the pores
Into the viscous fluid of the veins

Passion is the true blood in the body
We so seldom let it flow
My blood will be replaced with the universal elixir…

It’s called LIVING.

~~~

Recommended Reading:

Why You are Wild.
Wildling Manifesto.

~~~

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If you enjoyed this post (or any of my posts!), please consider a small (or large!) donation to fund my way to a martial arts seminar. There are rewards for certain amounts given, so please help out with a “tip” or a gift! You’ll be helping me to improve so I can teach other women to kick ass in the future!

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Why You’re Scared of Success More than Failure

Most people are so scared to fail that they don’t even begin.

In our hearts we know that failure is required in the journey of learning. Failures do not mean an END – they are bumps on the way to KNOWING.

So what really stops us?

I have been wondering lately what this sudden anxiety I have is saying to me. It’s not a fear of failure, no…it feels different.

When we continue on in spite of fear, and with tenacity, we can’t fail in the long run. So what is it, then?

It’s a success fear.

Success that we see in the media seems so luxurious and alluring, full of money and fame and everything we could ever want – but it also has a hidden side. We know that success is rife with things we are not used to, and that means changing ourselves.

More work, more demands, more responsibilities, more discipline, more confidence, more criticism, more people wanting things from us, possibly using us, possibly fucking us over, and on and on.

Success means being VULNERABLE – much more so than failing.

Failing (and not continuing forward) is EASY to deal with. We can numb it out with food, TV, Facebook, weed, whatever our drug of choice is. We can give up and identify as victims. Poor us.

With success, we can’t do that. There are essential aspects that go with it that we cannot ignore. We can’t numb them, and that’s scary.

Identifying as a failure is simple, easy, and lazy. It requires no movement. It is a stagnant place to be. People wonder why they are depressed and anxious, but it’s because they aren’t in line with their heart’s desires, and it means they’re not taking any action (or they’ve tried and given up).

The fear of success holds us back. It makes us responsible for our own happiness, it means we are not able to identify as victims anymore. Our identities are shattered. We have to start again.

But isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t starting over a gift? You can unearth that version of you that’s been buried for so long underneath the crap and angst.

I’ll tell you now that the best thing I’ve ever discovered is that I have complete and utter power over my own self. My health, my attitude, and my circumstances are completely up to me, no matter what may happen – how I choose to overcome, and how to move forward, despite ANY possible set-backs, no matter how grim, no matter how horrible – that is up to me.

Life occurrences are not up to me. Shit happens. It is all in how we decide to conquer that matters. That is success.

So are you going to drop the victim identity now? Are you going to drop the fear? Are you going to step forward into your new possibility, and CREATE your life the way it could be?

It is not without anxiety – it’s just a different sort. It’s an excitement, a hope, and a wonder. It’s a tightness in the belly, instead of the dark space in the mind where the anxiety of doing nothing lurks.

Succeeding at anything you could imagine is the anxiety you WANT. Moving through THAT is the thing that builds strength. That is what builds confidence. That is what makes things HAPPEN.

Staying a victim, identifying as a failure, and numbing yourself day-in and day-out is easy. It’s fine if you choose that, but when you are nearing the end of your life, you’ll wish you had been more adventurous.

Success doesn’t mean money or fame. It means stabbing fear in the gut and moving forward with all the things you have imagined since you were a kid that you’d love to do. It means honouring those feelings, those daydreams, those wishes.

Don’t just wish those things anymore. Start identifying as brave, tenacious, and bold. Claim a new adjective for yourself. Throw out the word victim. Stomp your fear to the ground.

Be the you that you know you are. The one that resides in your soul.

Remember, you only live in your body – your soul is the thing that tells your body and brain what to do. Go deep and LISTEN to it. What is telling your BRAIN what to do? Is it your body? Other people? The media? (What a terrifying idea.)

No – it’s the real you. The one that is ether. The one that has been waiting ALL this time for your body to get up and follow what it really wants. The one you have been drowning out with all the excess stimuli, entertainment, drugs, food, and distractions.

It’s time to listen to THAT part of you – and ignore the rest.

Drop it all, and go.

 ~~~

If you enjoyed this post (or any of my posts!), please consider a small (or large!) donation to fund my way to a martial arts seminar. There are rewards for certain amounts given, so please help out with a “tip” or a gift! You’ll be helping me to improve so I can teach other women to kick ass in the future!

You can also follow me on:

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Twitter: MissLorra

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What Would it Be Like to Be as Awesome as Possible?

When you think of a spectacular human being, what attributes do they have? What do you envy them for? What traits of theirs do you covet?

You can be like them, you know.

It’s completely and utterly possible in every conceivable way.

People aren’t just BORN great – those talents and desirable qualities are cultivated over time and nurtured by those around us.

If we want to become the best possible versions of ourselves, we never will if we are constantly around people who bring us down, who make fun of us, tempt us to be lazy, convince us that it’s a waste of time, that we can’t do something, or that anything is impossible.

It’s not impossible, you know. We just BELIEVE it is, and we can switch our beliefs ANY time we want. It’s a DECISION.

Most of the time, we wait until there are disastrous circumstances in order to really go for something we never thought we could do – because that is when we realize life is fucking precious, and that we are limited in time and we better really go for it if we don’t want to have remorse as we die – if we even know we’re going to die.

We never know when it’s going to happen. It could happen to you later today. In the next few minutes. Have you told people you love them? Have you been kind? Have you done things today that you LOVE? Your very favourite things of all time?

If not, WHY? We all need to do what we adore, so we can feel what it means to be truly alive.

What would it be like if you were as awesome as you could possibly be? What if we all were? What sort of WORLD would this be if we ALL believed in ourselves and took it upon ourselves to lift each other up to be fucking extraordinary?

We all have it in us – the ONLY thing stopping us is the belief in ourselves.

We have the choice to step up and bring goodness, light, beauty, amazement, love, and trust into this world. We have the opportunity to bring hope, to help others, and to rise up. We have a chance to blow peoples’ minds. To inspire. To give. To LEARN and then teach.

Who will step up and realize how fucking amazing they really are? Will you?

We need everyone possibly to realize it in themselves, and NO doubt, you DO have it in you.

Be that blinking light in the distance, for the good of yourself and everyone else, and then burn the path to greatness so we can ALL benefit from your shine in the dark.

~~~

Recommended Reading:

Wildling Manifesto

~~~

Please leave a comment!!

If you enjoyed this post (or any of my posts!), please consider a small (or large!) donation to fund my way to a martial arts seminar. There are rewards for certain amounts given, so please help out with a “tip” or a gift! You’ll be helping me to improve so I can teach other women to kick ass in the future!

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How to Have a Happy Life

There is only one person in the world who is responsible for your happiness.

You.

This is pretty much the most important realization that you will ever have in your entire life. The moment you take responsibility for yourself and your choices is more powerful and freeing than anything else you could possibly imagine.

It will FREE you.

The answer to every problem is usually the simplest, but we love to over-complicate things. Yes, sometimes things are complex, but the answers are still usually able to be put in blunt terms.

Have a shitty job? Quit.

Have a horrible relationship? Leave.

Despise your school? Switch or drop out. You can learn on your own.

Sick of your messy house? Get rid of most of your stuff.

Bored of everything? It’s because you’re boring. Challenge yourself. Become adventurous.

Hate the world? Make it better. Help someone.

Tired of being ill? Nourish yourself properly. Start sleeping enough. Get outside. Learn from people who are actually extremely healthy, not people with prescription pads.

Lonely? Take the abundant love you have inside you and give it to yourself. Get out there. Do things. You’ll meet people. Don’t be a dick. Respect others, do good things, and you won’t be lonely. It’s impossible. Even if you’re alone, you will love being with you.

Trapped? ESCAPE. People have broken out of jail, escaped from other countries, and done everything possible to get out of bad situations. If you want it badly enough, you will make it happen. There is always a way.

If you are seriously miserable in a situation, you are rarely trapped. You DO have options. You might not like them, but have you thought of them all? (No, they are endless). Have you really gone out of your comfort zone? That is where the answers lie.

Isn’t your life worth it? Isn’t being happy worth it? Otherwise, can you call it living?

You can’t be happy unless you make it a priority, and only you know what makes you happy. If you don’t know, you need to do some deep soul searching, because who wants to be bored, lonely, and depressed their entire lives? Do you want to be a curmudgeon? Do you want to die regretful?

Sometimes people think they are happy, but they numb out with the typical things, tricking themselves, but they ignore their true desires because those things got buried in the muck of whatever life threw at them.

Life bumps do happen. Tragedies occur, obviously. But people get through them, people get by, people heal. And the ones who don’t  – why? Staying stuck in the same spot forever is doing you no good. It’s like cement around your ankles. Get a sledgehammer and MOVE. The only way to happiness is THROUGH shitty times, and to gain the strength to say FUCK NO to whatever is holding you from that happiness. It’s to say you are worth having a good life – no one else is going to give it to you. Even if you are handed anything you could ever want, if you don’t feel you deserve it, it won’t matter.

Believe you deserve a good life. If you are a good person, you deserve to be happy, just because you are alive.

 

~~~

Please leave a comment!!

If you enjoyed this post (or any of my posts!), please consider a small (or large!) donation to fund my way to a martial arts seminar. There are rewards for certain amounts given, so please help out with a “tip” or a gift! You’ll be helping me to improve so I can teach other women to kick ass in the future!

You can also follow me on:

Instagram: Lorrafae

Twitter: MissLorra

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How to Come Alive After You’ve Been Dying

Photo of me by Aiko Yoshida

The answers to my previous post, How to Know If You’re Dying, are infinite. My answers may not be your answers, but I can tell you what works for me, and what I know can at least guide you in the right direction.

If you always feeling like a sinking ship, you must become buoyant.

How do you fill up so you can surface? First, you have to become empty. Free yourself – meditate, get still. Be calm, remove all distractions, sit in silence, in nature. Do this for hours if necessary. Have your pen and notebook. Write down insights. Do this as many times as possible until you have clarity. Actually DO this. Now.

There is no timeline on this – it could be instant, it could take years, but get clear, as otherwise you will just continue as you are. If you’re dying, that’s not a place to loiter.

Removing ALL distractions is necessary. Endless inspiration is detrimental sometimes, because we focus on being inspired instead of actually DOING something. It gives us a jolt of adrenaline, a glimpse of hope, but without any action, it will fade from your memory pretty quickly, leaving you yearning for the next hit. Inspiration is fantastic, and I love it, but there needs to be movement afterwards.

Take inspiration from this and DO something that will propel you forward, even if it’s just an inch! Turn off this computer, look away from your phone. Take the paper and ink and go, be quiet. Feel what you already know, deeply.

You already know what you need to do. You are scared. You don’t need to be.

What is your alternative? You would not be here if you were not dead inside, at least somewhat. You would not be here if you were not looking for guidance.

So I am guiding you – to look within, to the depths, where your sparks glow, like seeds in the dark, waiting to bloom, waiting for water, waiting for fire to bring them to life.

So how do you do this? How do you come alive when everything has been buried so deep?

Seeds buried too deeply never blossom. They rot, they whither, they die. They vanish.

You need to replant those forgotten seeds. You need to put them near the SURFACE, and tend to them DAILY.

At first, your dream garden will need cautious, tender care. Not too much, but just enough – and when they sprout, and start to grow, prepare for wildness – but they need the right conditions. They need to be nourished. They need to be tended, and they need to be shared. Once wild, they flourish, and they continue to grow and spread and take over with no help from you – they show up like dandelions in the sidewalk, where you wouldn’t expect life to succeed, because those roots are deep, and powerful.

When you garden literally, you do it to be surrounded by beauty, or to have nourishment to feed your body. It is the same when you care for your garden of desires.

1. Identify your passion

If you have too many dreams, get clear – which are the ones you ALWAYS feel nagged by? Which is the thing you always say first when someone asks you your interests? What has been the mainstay since you were small, or what is the thing that scares you the most, but that you most wish you could accomplish? That’s the one. The one you must do.

2. Write steps. Small steps.

What is that ultimate dream of yours? Pretend you are that. And then write the step down from it. And the step down from that. And so on, until you get very, very small. Once it’s so small it seems ridiculous – take that first small step, and go back up.

3. Do this every single day, in any free moment you have. Maybe you are swamped with other obligations, or you are exhausted – you make room. You find that shred of energy. You say fuck you to resistance. The moments you usually spend mindlessly are the moments you will take to make small steps. Even if it’s just to put a notebook in your bag, write out an idea, do some push-ups, register a domain name, or take a look at guitars in the store and inquire about payment plans.

4. Nourish yourself properly.

Get enough rest. You will not fully feel alive unless your body is cared for first.

5. Ask yourself what the alternative is.

Write out your Plan Z, and then make your dream your Plan A. No in-betweens. Fuck everything else.

6. Always make yourself the first priority.

Instead of working for someone else as soon as you awaken, do work for yourself. Love yourself, do your own thing, always first, so you can be more present, and feel as if you are making some momentum. Morning ritual is so important, and new to me, and I can’t even believe I’ve gone so far without it – and how far will I go now?

If you are depressed or feeling dead, you are not aligned with what you are here to do. We need your passion. It doesn’t matter how many people are already doing it. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never done it before. It doesn’t matter if you’re 12 years old or 95. It only matters that you start honouring yourself and what you love, because why the hell else are you alive? The word ALIVE is not describing you – make it so everyone uses that as your adjective. It is now your description. How would that feel for you? To take on that meaning for yourself?

So are you going to stay dead, or be infused with life? Get moving, or stay in your coffin, where you will stay until the day you actually die for real.

You have so much time to be dead. BE ALIVE, NOW.