What to Do When You Want to Do Everything

The greatest struggle I know is the struggle of CHOOSING.

When you are a lover of life, and curious, and inspired by everything around you – how on earth do you decide what to do with yourself? It can be easy to just lay back and numb out – this has happened to me so many times in my life. Not from boredom but from too MUCH to choose from. I want to do it all! (well, a LOT).

Humans are not meant to be bombarded with so much stimuli – the fact that we have access to ANYTHING is overwhelming, and also magical. It is such a gift, but also a very palpable obstacle.

So, if you’re constantly changing course, how on earth do you decide what to focus on to MAKE PROGRESS?

How Do You Know You’re Making Good Choices?

1. You obsess – and it is continuous – even if you have breaks in your obsession, it always comes back.
2. You are not doing it as an escape, you are doing it consciously.
3. You are CREATING, not consuming.
4. You can trace your interest back a long way, it ties to your original childhood passions.
5. You can tie some together into one amazing new obsession.

What happens if you still can’t decide?

You must take a break from stimulation, or immerse yourself fully in your VERY FAVOURITE interest, and it ONLY. Take a media break. What did you do with yourself BEFORE the internet? What would you do with your time if you had nothing to distract you? No computer, no tv, no magazines (books are okay as long as they are not trash – you must consciously choose them – and what are you drawn to?)

What happens if you have LOTS of BIG passions and they aren’t just distractions?

Then you have to put them in order of importance and make sure you get in a bit of all of them each week or each month, if you can. WRITE THEM DOWN! Make sure that the first 1-3 take up the majority of your time. For instance, writing is my biggest passion, and so I spend most of my week doing that, either for myself in a journal, online, working on other projects, or for other people. Reading, also, is a BIG love of mine and I make sure I read every day, even if it’s a little bit. Ninjutsu is a new passion (but martial arts have been a huge interest of mine for over a decade) and I spend a few hours a week on that. Surfing is one of my biggest passions but I don’t get a chance to go that often – I need to remedy this!

Health is my other BIG BIG BIG passion, and it is ingrained in my life now. I don’t even need to think about it much (yet I still do)! When I first got interested in raw foods and the raw lifestyle…I OBSESSED. I was so obsessed I knew it was never going to waver. When you feel that sort of thing SUCK you in and take over – then you KNOW you need to focus on it – you know it’s not a short-term thing. So RAVAGE that interest – PLUNGE into it.

So you see what I am saying? I have lots of other huge loves – travel, animals, badass women, photography, survival, graphic novels, music, dancing, costumes, drawing, hula-hooping, hiking, sex, herbalism, burlesque, film, style, nature, motorcycles, road trips, tribal cultures – ALL of these are MASSIVE interests for me – and there are more!

When you have a massive amount of passions, it is really important to delegate time to each, but always to put your BIGGEST loves first. Don’t ignore the others, at all! Find time to do them all, each week, month, or year. Never ignore those loves, but put the ones you are best at, and the ones you NEVER tire of, first.

Highly Recommended reading:
Refuse to Choose! – Barbara Sher

The Renaissance Soul – Margaret Lobenstine

Shiny Things

I am just too interested in everything.

I am like a crow with shiny things – except shiny things to me can be almost anything (including shiny things.)

This love of information is overwhelming, crushing, and terrifying, because I know I will never take it all in – the amount of beauty out there is staggering – it’s on the same scale as the horrors, but so many people only focus on the bad stuff – and as much as I try to bear witness, I cannot get too deep into the despair because I will seriously drown, and it will mar the beauty I want to swim in.

I was in a lovely mood tonight but when out for dinner, the first hour of conversation was so bleak that I just felt myself crumble. Eventually I mumbled, “Can we talk about something else?”

I am so sensitive – I have always been this way. It made me a target and eventually I conjured the shield of snarliness and venom. I can take offense at the dumbest things, but lately I have been very aware of my reactions and try not to get too upset when someone might just ask something at the wrong time (usually when I am tired). I am also sensitive to negativity, and when everything becomes too dark I want to run away to a shiny, pretty, candy mountain, or float off like a dandelion puff.

I like to focus on beauty. This strawberry I am eating is orgasmic. I could be swept away in the juicy scarlet luster of this strawberry – I could even get one tattooed on my neck (oh wait, I did that).

The highlight of my day was receiving two books I ordered at work, an expensive novel and an illustrated novel. I was enchanted by an interview with Neil Gaiman and then felt excitement well up in me to read his stuff again after not reading it for years.

I get gooey every time I see a little dog puttering down the street. I get flames of love when I think about all the beautiful creatures I will help in Thailand. I was so catapulted by fruit sugar and a rare piece of cacao that during work all I could imagine was jumping like a dingbat on my rebounder. I am delirious with excitement about my work’s raw vegan summer party tomorrow, and even more stoked to go pillage the downtown library for more graphic novels.

I could live at the library. I could spend all my day writing and drawing. I could vanish into a K-hole of travel as if I was in a tube of rainbows.

Yeah, a lot of aspects of life blow huge bloody globules, but man, there is so much other gorgeousity, look UP for once.

~~

Here’s a pic of me in shiny things, taken at a Peaches concert in 2009.

I Want to Do Everything

I need to cast off “jobs” and gain “EXPERIENCES.”

I need to turn sleep into an imagination factory – dreams into drawings, dreams into novels. dreams into music.

I need to bless every second with conscious OOMPH. i need to fire up every moment with a zing that it would not have otherwise – those zings are always there – neurons and atoms and little crazy invisible things happening, if we tune into them we can jump in and  ride their carpets – dancing and flipping cartwheels on top of radio waves.

It’s time to ride the wild ribbons of life, people. put on a cowboy hat and prepare to hang on, because when you are truly living, you end up naked, vulnerable, and absolutely glowing.

Beauty Amongst Chaos

There are days where I just feel flat.

I don’t mean chest-wise (cuz I don’t care) – but just…blargh.

I’ve had a lifetime of teeth issues, and no matter what I eat, I will continue to have issues because of the bombardment my teeth have taken over my life. So I won’t blame fruit, or raw – actually they improved going raw, so there.

Anyway, it was a few weeks of dental appointments, and today I just had enough. I got into a “why me?” mode and said eff it to everything and just binged on kale chips (could be worse…) and sat around watching Sailor Moon and Game of Thrones.

Not really my style. I tend to be a doer, EVEN if I am watching something, I am working on a project of some sort (like my zine that has taken me years – it’s almost done).

Eh, anyway, my point is that even though I get this way at times, I know it’s not going to last. Usually I am upbeat + positive and in a pretty lofty state.

Ever hear that idea that people are afraid of their own power, and that they are more afraid of success than failure? I think I am in that state.

I have this series of books in my head, these amazing characters that I think about all the bloody time – and the idea of writing them scares the crap out of me, because I know they would be epic, and the length and time and care I would need to take in order for them to live up to what I’ve concocted is absolutely daunting.

I have to do it, though. I think about writing sprees all week, when I am working – I feel like when I get home I need to just hunker down and write. But then I get distracted by something – this is the downside of being so fascinated by everything – I am what Barbara Sher calls a “scanner – though I do get in states of obsession. When I finally enter that state, I am unstoppable.

I can be obsessed with many things at once – and I get so flustered and baffled at how to do it all that I am overwhelmed, and just end up reading or something. Often I act. This is why I am so in need of work that allows me to be free of a schedule – when not at a typical job, I am constantly working on projects – I don’t feel restrained by time, and so things flow so much more easily. This work needs to be writing! And so, I write, as always. Either here, on paper, fiction, memoirs, letters, little comics, zines, lists – anything. It is constant.

More often in winter is when I get flustered,  from a lack of sunlight and lowered spirits. I know how to combat this now and it is why I have continued with this blog instead of giving up like I have in previous years. I just push, now. I think to myself, “Who the hell cares what anyone else thinks? It doesn’t matter if you feel like poo – write about feeling like poo. Do it anyway, any sort of criticism won’t matter tomorrow, or in the grand scheme of things. None of this matters” – and it really doesn’t. One day, everything anyone has ever created will be gone. We will all die. Humanity will disappear. That does not mean that we should not still procreate and make beautiful songs and books and it does not mean we should not treat one another and ourselves and other creatures with immense kindness and respect. And so I say what I want, and I want others to believe in themselves, too.

We are all really good at something, and anything we love, we can do.

I have always envied the people who can obsess over one thing – they tend to be the most amazing, shining examples, the inspiring ones. But there are others who are great at many things and those are the ones I relate to. When I am really into something, I stick to it, too. I have always stuck with writing, drawing, and within the last few years, healthy eating. If I still lived near waves, I would have stuck with surfing – man, do I miss it.

When it comes down to it, the whole reason I want to be healthy is so I can continue to have the energy and confidence (and happiness) to continue, because otherwise, I will just look at the world and think “Why fucking BOTHER?”

But I know why I bother – because this is reality. We are alive, we’re here now, we might as well enjoy the beauty amongst the chaos. There can never be enough beauty.

~~

“Sometimes I get a little sad, and I feel like being alone. Then I talk to my cat about it, and he reminds me I’m James Franco. Then we dance.” — James Franco