How to Feel Alive

Lorra Fae Wildfire of Passion School writes about how to feel alive, how to really live, poetry about life, naomi campbell with a cheetah running in the wind

Only certain things make me feel completely alive.

I don’t want to feel alive only some of the time.

I need a vigor and a lust to feel free, or when the day ends I feel like my minutes and seconds have been wasted on the minutiae of life, the things that really do not matter.

Where is the lasciviousness, the wonder? Where is the amazement and glory and heart-racing buzz that comes with a life fully lived?

I only feel alive when I’m adventurous
When I am fully immersed in the moment
I feel alive only when I am interacting with the real
When I am writing in full speed
When it flows like potions
When it just screams out and I can’t contain it
I can’t help but dance
because there is only motion
I can’t help but run
because there is only wind
I can’t help but kiss and squeal and swoon
because there is only desire

Every morsel tastes like orgasms
Every touch feels like the universe is coursing through my blood
Every movement feels like I’m a warrior
Every breath feels like fresh forest streams

Sex feels like I’m in another dimension
Love feels like the only thing that exists
Nature feels like the only real home
Sleep feels like a teacher
Waking feels like rebirth
So it can all begin again
Where life can seep through the pores
Into the viscous fluid of the veins

Passion is the true blood in the body
We so seldom let it flow
My blood will be replaced with the universal elixir…

It’s called LIVING.

~~~

Recommended Reading:

Why You are Wild.
Wildling Manifesto.

~~~

Please leave a comment and share!!

If you enjoyed this post (or any of my posts!), please consider a small (or large!) donation to fund my way to a martial arts seminar. There are rewards for certain amounts given, so please help out with a “tip” or a gift! You’ll be helping me to improve so I can teach other women to kick ass in the future!

You can also follow me on:

Instagram: Lorrafae and Passion School

Twitter: MissLorra

Facebook: Lorra Fae Wildfire

Snapchat: Lorrafae

Save

Advertisements

No Cheat Days Allowed

lorra fae wildfire tells you why cheat days are not good for you try to avoid a cheat day to better your life so you can create success and health and become your best self

I don’t have cheat days.

The whole idea of creating a lifestyle change and then damaging it with cheat days is bizarre to me.

When it comes to health and prosperity, why cheat? The changes made are for the betterment of the self, not to deprive oneself of anything.

Cheating on new habits is cheating yourself, and nothing more.

I find an all-or-nothing approach works the best. Give it 100%.

Without a cheat day, there will be BETTER results than expected. If there is competition involved, there will be a advantage. If there is health involved, vibrancy will expand even higher. If there is exercise involved, strength will be taken even further.

Results can only be bigger. Success can only be more imminent. Strength can only be greater. Life can only be better.

Cheating is a lie to oneself. It’s saying, “You’re not good enough to stick with this completely.” It’s saying, “You don’t really want to be doing this. What you really want to be doing is that…and you’re depriving yourself of it.” Deprivation breeds rebellion, and not many people can resist that for long. It’s also a tempting, naughty reward – something to look to the future for, instead of focusing on NOW.

We’re addicts and easy-pleasure seekers – it’s ingrained in us. Our ancient brains tell us to take the easy way, the comfortable way – and with all the choices around us and all the lies we’re fed from every direction, it’s so simple to get overwhelmed and say Fuck It and go for the easy route.

Dreams are not easy. They require complete dedication, not cheating.

Cheating is for people who don’t want the best results. It’s for people who don’t want to be the best possible version of themselves. It’s the opposite of dedication, or obsession.

Obsession is a good thing when it elevates who we want to become. We can’t cheat life, and we can’t fool our bodies, or our minds – so let’s throw the cheat days in the incinerator where they belong, along with all the bullshit that keeps us from being the most galactic versions of ourselves.

We need to remove the locks from the cages that hold those versions in, and we will never get there by cheating – we need to focus on the exact methods to set ourselves free.

~~~

Please leave a comment and share!!

If you enjoyed this post (or any of my posts!), please consider a small (or large!) donation to fund my way to a martial arts seminar. There are rewards for certain amounts given, so please help out with a “tip” or a gift! You’ll be helping me to improve so I can teach other women to kick ass in the future!

You can also follow me on:

Instagram: Lorrafae and Passion School

Twitter: MissLorra

Facebook: Lorra Fae Wildfire

Snapchat: Lorrafae

Save

Save

Save

Saturation of the Positive

I find that things people spend their time looking at, especially online and on TV, promotes self-loathing and hopelessness. The news, Facebook, etc – these sorts of things inundate us with low feelings and make it difficult to believe we can do anything to help others or help ourselves.

Often people will do something – like a seminar, or read a book that inspires them, or they will make a New Year’s resolution and feel totally PUMPED…and then it tapers off pretty quickly.

This has happened to me, many, many times.

The thing I have found that works is CONSTANT saturation of positive things. To ONLY read, listen to, and watch things that promote self-confidence, hope, and joy.

I don’t mean ignore everything bad going on – but don’t start your day that way. Don’t blast yourself with all the rotten shit going on in the world. I think I’ve watched the news less than 10 times in my life – do I still know what’s going on in the world, what is REALLY important? YES, because people talk about it. It still comes into my stratosphere. When I do pay attention, it has a profound, negative affect on me. I feel useless and hopeless – and it makes me hate the world, instead of trying to make it better. I think this is common.

Continue a positive high, every day, by feeding your ears, mouth, eyes with only nourishing, beautiful, inspiring things. Say thank you, over and over again for the blessings that you have, even if it’s something small. There’s a REASON successful, happy people say to do this – it’s not a cliché. It is actually a necessity to have a happy, positive life. If you do have some grievance, either find the positive that comes with it, or get out of that situation. Stop wasting your life and acting like a victim. Real victims have no choices, and even then, often they will find ways out with enough determination, perhaps risking death in the process. Now that’s inspiring!

Get the hell off of Facebook. Reading what someone had for lunch or reading a rant isn’t going to further your life or make you feel better. Why not read something by a genius instead? There are so many books out there with great wisdom that can further your knowledge and move you further ahead in life, get you into better situations and out of toxic ones, than mindlessly looking at status updates. Same with video games or garbage on youtube. Do that stuff when you’ve exhausted yourself with positive MOTION throughout your day, if you must get your fix. Relax with it LATER, WHEN AND IF you have accomplished things that get you closer to where you want to be. Are you close to where you want to be? No? Are you taking steps to get there? No? Then what do you expect?

Ever since I have been implementing this way of being into my life I have felt way better. I got sick of acting like a victim about 8 years ago. I’m not one, and I refuse to be one. I have more than ample opportunities to change my life, and I don’t need much to do so. I have the internet, and I have access to a library. That’s really all someone needs to learn everything they need to know to make their life amazing.

I mean obviously you need to go to school if you want to be a doctor or something, but I mean the rest of us – we need to learn, and we need to do the WORK, and we need to stay positive. DOING THE WORK is the most important thing! Saturating yourself with positive messages ALL THE TIME works wonders – try it, even if it’s just for a month. See how you feel! I started trading in books I’ve had for years that I might never get to, for books I know will better my life. Classic stuff that’s been around forever, or that are authored by genius minds.

I listen to podcasts or audio programs constantly as I drive (and now I love driving anywhere, no matter how far it is). I watch only positive, motivating youtube stuff. I rarely watch anything just for entertainment at this point, maybe a couple times a week, but I just don’t see the point unless it’s something I absolutely adore. I do spend time on Instagram but that is because it makes me have GOOD feelings, and INSPIRES me instead of bringing me down.

What about you? Do you spend your life on pointless endeavors, and then wonder why you feel shitty all the time? Or do you work towards becoming happier and more valuable?

Our main work in life should be to become as awesome as we possibly can. Nobody is perfect, but we can catch ourselves doing pointless junk and replace it with useful stuff. Nobody is going to wish they spent more time on Facebook when they come to the end of their life.

Who inspires you the most? Which books, which youtube channels, which movies, which programs, which websites? What are your goals, and what are you doing to achieve them? Please share!

How to Stick to Your Goals and Become Amazing

While I was on the ferry home to Victoria from Vancouver, I was in my car and thinking about how “off” I got when I was not in my regular routine and visiting my family. How I, along with so many people, allow themselves to cheat or push things aside that are important to them when they go “away” – but you are not “away.” You are still in your body, you still have your mind, you still have all the same dreams and desires you had before – don’t neglect them.

When I go to Vancouver, I start visiting all these raw and vegan food places I “miss” and binge on things that I know are not great for me (though to everyone else they’d be ridiculously healthy – but for me, I feel the difference). Funny thing is that I didn’t even enjoy many of those things. I started to neglect the workout regime I’ve been very dedicated to for the last 2 months – luckily I did a little bit, but when I was sitting in my car thinking about it, really I could have done everything normally, I just made excuses. I wasn’t going on “vacation” and even if I was, I wouldn’t go “away” to escape from my freaking goals. Going “away” is to visit people, see new places, escape from work – NOT to neglect what is important to you.

And so I decided, along with the word “tenacious,” that I wanted to be able to describe myself as “dedicated.” Similar, yes, but decidedly different. Next time I go to visit the mainland, or anywhere, I will know to factor in EVERYTHING that is important to me that I do regularly, and to not skip it or sabotage it just because I make the excuse of being AWAY.

So, what are you? How could you be defined? How do you WANT to be defined? What words would you like to describe yourself by? Start calling yourself those things and you will become them.

What are you dedicated to? As you can see, I have neglected writing in my blog for a couple of weeks – I consciously made that decision, as I was starting to rebel against the schedule I set for myself. I do well with guidelines, but not strict rules. However, I have neglected writing in general, which to me is just sacrilege. Even if I am not writing here, I must write. Daily. And so I dedicate myself.

I dedicate myself fully to writing, to raw foods, and to fitness. I dedicate myself to my Ninjutsu practice. I dedicate myself to animal welfare and preserving the planet as much as I can. Everything on my list are things I dedicate myself to DAILY or at least weekly. Having this reminder to look at every day is paramount to my success. It’s so easy to forget goals and things that make us better people – we all want to be the best versions of ourselves. It’s stupid to envy others and want to be them – why not be the best YOU? Have you even tried that?

All of those adjectives I wrote…I already am, or am becoming. Always have things to strive for. I love myself as is, but I want to become better and better. Why wouldn’t I? Or you? So many people give up – “I’m too old” or “I’m too fat” or “I’m too boring.” What you tell yourself you are, you are. Tell yourself something different. Make it something you can BELIEVE, though. Even if you are a couch potato, you can say “I am athletic” because you actually are – you just have to wake that part of yourself UP. Your body has always been athletic, but you have to use it in that way! You have always been healthy, but you have to give your body the right conditions to thrive in! Allow it to heal! You have to do the work. This is sort of like affirmations, but not. You really have to find that part of yourself that can believe what you are saying. You’re not going to believe you are something if you aren’t that way IN THAT MOMENT, so choose your words carefully. Find a way to believe it. Dig deep, question everything. Find the truth in what you are saying.

You are worthy and you are capable. You are resilient. Get out there and live.

A Post About Perceived Beauty

Taken just now.

It’s really easy to focus on something about ourselves, even when it’s TINY, and think “Oh my god, I am HIDEOUS.”

Well, how many times have I done this to myself? “I’m too bloated! I’m not going out dancing, yuck!” or “I have the biggest zit, there is no way I could possibly be attractive to anyone.” “This scar on my face makes me so weird looking when I smile.” And on and on.

One of the biggest examples is from a decade ago, when someone I was enamoured with decided that he wasn’t quite as taken with me – this after spending several days together after a month of intense writing back and forth (we’d met in a different city, he’d come to visit me) – and of course I started to think: it’s because I’m too fat. It’s because I have all these scars.

And this caused me to start throwing up my food – ONLY junk food, of course (as if this made it okay) – luckily this wasn’t making any difference to my weight, I hated it, I hated myself even more, and it only lasted a few weeks.

So fast forward a decade – I am certainly more confident and positive than I was back then! But, I still have my days. For some unknown reason yesterday I developed a cold sore – I’m not sick, not stressed – who knows why? But it was mortifying – to have something so blatantly noticeable can make oneself feel disgusting and embarrassed – and of course, this next few weeks, I am working with the public, not in the back of the store as usual.

At first I was worried, but my coworkers didn’t even notice – they were like, “Huh?” when I asked them if I looked okay.

And for some reason I got this slap in the mouth from myself – to shine through this one tiny percentage of myself – and let all the rest of my outer and inner beauty overtake it – so that no one could POSSIBLY care, if they even noticed, about some stupid little blister.

And that will go for anything else you feel badly about – the people you admire, adore, love – do you EVER focus on their tiny little issues? No – you focus on their gorgeous minds, their creativity, their style, their passion – and even if you do notice their perceived flaws, you will eventually not notice because they are just fucking awesome. Beautiful people are beautiful regardless of their physical appearance.

Your tiny little flaws don’t matter. Just be awesome, be healthy, and throw your light out into the world. THAT will make you feel good. It worked for me today, and it will tomorrow. Just gotta remember this.

Shiny Things

I am just too interested in everything.

I am like a crow with shiny things – except shiny things to me can be almost anything (including shiny things.)

This love of information is overwhelming, crushing, and terrifying, because I know I will never take it all in – the amount of beauty out there is staggering – it’s on the same scale as the horrors, but so many people only focus on the bad stuff – and as much as I try to bear witness, I cannot get too deep into the despair because I will seriously drown, and it will mar the beauty I want to swim in.

I was in a lovely mood tonight but when out for dinner, the first hour of conversation was so bleak that I just felt myself crumble. Eventually I mumbled, “Can we talk about something else?”

I am so sensitive – I have always been this way. It made me a target and eventually I conjured the shield of snarliness and venom. I can take offense at the dumbest things, but lately I have been very aware of my reactions and try not to get too upset when someone might just ask something at the wrong time (usually when I am tired). I am also sensitive to negativity, and when everything becomes too dark I want to run away to a shiny, pretty, candy mountain, or float off like a dandelion puff.

I like to focus on beauty. This strawberry I am eating is orgasmic. I could be swept away in the juicy scarlet luster of this strawberry – I could even get one tattooed on my neck (oh wait, I did that).

The highlight of my day was receiving two books I ordered at work, an expensive novel and an illustrated novel. I was enchanted by an interview with Neil Gaiman and then felt excitement well up in me to read his stuff again after not reading it for years.

I get gooey every time I see a little dog puttering down the street. I get flames of love when I think about all the beautiful creatures I will help in Thailand. I was so catapulted by fruit sugar and a rare piece of cacao that during work all I could imagine was jumping like a dingbat on my rebounder. I am delirious with excitement about my work’s raw vegan summer party tomorrow, and even more stoked to go pillage the downtown library for more graphic novels.

I could live at the library. I could spend all my day writing and drawing. I could vanish into a K-hole of travel as if I was in a tube of rainbows.

Yeah, a lot of aspects of life blow huge bloody globules, but man, there is so much other gorgeousity, look UP for once.

~~

Here’s a pic of me in shiny things, taken at a Peaches concert in 2009.

Dark Vs. Light

Before I went raw, I was a gloomy little shit.

But about 10 days later, I was lifted into the sky, a sweet angelic hippie, a twinkling orb; I wanted to heal the world, i felt so happy. Was this the real me, underneath all the toxic crap? What about the gothy-girl who loved darkness and morbid skull-blood-nastiness?

I still struggle with this dichotomy. 

There is a half that wants positivity and light, caravans and vast expanses of green lands to grow fruit trees and house vagabonds, dreadlock my hair and never wear make-up, make love in the weeds and raise children in nature with my perfect soul lover, surfing in the morning light and being gypsy-creatures in a commune.

Then there is that side that wants partially shaved hair, lip rings and tattoos, latex and nights in the club with strangers and making out with androgynous beauties, raucous evenings, the part that wants to just dive into blackness alone and eat musty tasting mushrooms and then laugh at the trees. This part of me that admires defying death, the part that sees beauty in zombies and ghouls, the scowling, raven-hair-dyed, red lipped vixen. That part.

I am split in half – is one half me, and one not? Or are they both me? These sides are so different and it seems insane that they can co-exist within one brain. I don’t want to deny either side.

I find in the raw food community, everyone is all about au-naturale and eschewing anything perceived as negative or dark.

I like to embrace both sides. I respect and see beauty in both worlds. There is a divinity in shadows.

There is a huge part of my life that has been dark – but not necessarily in a bad way. I have found so much inspiration and loveliness in spooks. Even now I am drawn to creepy things, just as much as rainbows and sunshine.

I don’t think you need to deny the shadow self, at all. Embrace it when it comes out. There is beauty there. When you close off to one thing, you cannot learn from it, be inspired by it, or appreciate what may come of it.

So many of us have risen from the depths of a black abyss – it has birthed us. Don’t forget where you came from.