The Weirdness of Being Human

Sometimes, I find myself in weird situations.

Like anyone, I guess. But I want to put myself there.

Once in a while, you are just unsure, you know? You sort of want to do something, but aren’t sure you should, or maybe you feel like it’s wrong, or it seems uncouth or deviant or dangerous. Like, “How the hell did I get myself into this?”

When I get in these situations, now, I think to myself, “What is the point of being human, if not to experience things AS a human?”

We are pretty lucky. I mean, as a whole, the human species can be pretty fucking vile. We destroy everything. We cause so much suffering. We are also capable of so much tenderness, beauty, compassion.

When things seem black, I will sometimes feel shame at being human. But it is what I am, and it is what you are.

It baffles me so hard when people are reluctant to try new things. We need to push our comfort zones, always. Other creatures don’t get to do this! We have a privilege. Life is more than a butt on a couch or vanilla sex.

So next time you are in a strange situation, let it happen, and just think to yourself, “Being human is fucking weird, man.” And just go with it. Laugh at it. Sink into the moment. It can be anything from dealing with someone screaming at you in traffic, or gnawing on your nipple.

I mean, do you wanna die tomorrow not having known what it’s like to be in the jungle or screw in the rain? Do you want to see the vistas and valleys from the top of the mountains, or just watch it on tv while you scarf down soda and chips? Do you want a comfortable life, or an exciting adventure?

It’s fine if you want comfort, but when you’re feeble and dying, what will be the thing you look back on with glee and fondness? All your nights with your Xbox, or the time you followed your strange desires? The constant stream of facebook, or the times you pushed your boundaries?

If you do that more often, your life will seem so much richer, so that when you do just chill and rest, it will feel decadent instead of “wasting time.” It will be a decision and not stagnancy.

Go out and live. Do something wild. Be someone you’d be jealous of.

The Art of Spazzing

Yesterday I had a little mishap (and a triumph – 4 years raw!).

I had posted a video on facebook – a link to a documentary called Eating. I had looked around for this for a while and since it was available to watch on youtube, I posted a link saying “If you’re at all interested in your health, watch this.”

A lone person decided that this was offensive. She was tired of me “ramming” my ideals down everyone’s throats, which amused me since I was only sharing a movie, and not bashing anyone, and I never do. It turned into a personal attack on me and my lifestyle so in reality, she was the one berating me. She became that which she was accusing me of.

I started to think about the book The Four Agreements, one of which is “Don’t take anything personally.”

I find that when something offends me, it is never intentionally meant to offend ME. Or anyone. Whoever is talking or sharing is simply putting their opinions out there, sharing information, and spinning a tapestry of links to others, hopefully to enrich their lives. This is why I share what I share. If I was a person of the “ramming” sort, I would be focusing on particular individuals and damning them for their choices.

Now, this person deleted me. Fair enough. I have done the same with a few others – most of whom add nothing to my life, insult me, or post actual offensive things. I never say anything, though – I don’t feel the need to cause drama. I don’t take their stuff personally – we just don’t connect on most levels. Hell, I don’t connect to anyone on ALL levels, but I know that even if we disagree on certain things, we all have things to teach one another, and if there is caring and love there, then it is worth keeping a link open.

There is an art to “spazzing” I have found. Here’s the list:

1. Figure out why you are offended. Is someone bullying you, or attacking you personally? Or are you just bothered by something they shared? If it’s the former, then you can choose to just ignore or walk away, or you can become just like the perpetrator and become a volcano with lava darkening your eyes and flames coming out of your nose. You fan fire instead of smothering it before it spreads.
If it’s the latter, realize that someone sharing some information is never a personal attack on you. Neither is a personal “attack” – not really. If someone is bothered by you, then they have their own spazzy reasons for being offended as well. Did you mean to rile them up? Doubtful. If you did…well…get a life.

2. Realize that if you feel the need to be “right” then you just feel weak to begin with. The person in question just raised your awareness of the fact. No one can make you feel weak, stupid, guilty, or wrong – they can only make you aware of the fact you already felt that way. Find out why. Stand for something. No one could make me feel dumb about my choices because they form the foundation of my belief system. I don’t feel a need to bash other people to make myself feel superior, what good does that do me? Or others? Does it make me MORE right? No. So why say anything at all? Chill.

3. If you really want to say something, be smart and kind. Leave the smarmy remarks out of it. It just makes you look juvenille and attention-seeking.

4. There are times that definitely call for spazzing – like when someone just won’t leave you alone, no matter what you do or say. The thing is – if you are normally a calm person in these sorts of situations (the type that REQUIRE actual dialogue), getting mad will  be very shocking and demand the person take note. I always notice when someone is a super chill type and then they explode – it’s scary, and I never want to experience it again. If someone is always dramatic – yawn.

So pick your battles – most of them are not very important. Move on, zip your lip (or stop typing), and spend your time doing something worthwhile. Are you gonna give a crap about this supposed infraction in a week? A year?  No. You’re gonna wish you played with your kid, did some exercise, read a book, painted, went for a hike, had a nap, made a meal, etc – yer not gonna even remember in a month anyway – so just forget it. You don’t need to be “right” unless it’s for your own well-being .Do you need to spaz at other people in the process? Didn’t think so.

I am Inspired by Everything


Music: Ups and downs, churns and timpanies, gruff growls and intense booms, vibrating vibrato and deep cool burns. The lashing of tongues and spitting of screams. The banshees and the sweet tinkle of bell-voices. The lacerating manic shrieks, the diamond violins, the thundering drums, the lightning keys, the blistering bayonet of basslines. I may suck in my breath for a whole bridge, or grit my teeth for a chorus cacophony, feeling every pore contract and every hair extend. When it pulses through each vein and hits my heart with a well strung arrow, I know it has hit that pulsating organ with all the energy I could possibly need for months.

Literature: The stream and twist of the letters in sequence, a lift in my breath from a lift in verisimilitude, the bloom of events meant to stir deliquium, the cozy familiarity of characters who feel real – concoctions probably based on reality, who are they? I want to know them. I want to dive into a page and swim with syntax, the page water and the ink swells, an oil spill of knowledge, the waves of paragraphs pushing me toward the shore of conclusion.

Art: Ink blots, Rorschach spreading into birds, faces, dandelions, gorillas, apples, forests, hydrangeas, gowns, nebulae – pearls of watercolours, crystals formed of clay, scratches of chalk, caramelized pastels, acrylic constellations, crayon creatures, they all speak to me because I am made of colours and pigments. My brain is grey so as to be infused with brightness and  fuchsia and marigold, neon leaves and vibrant lilac skies. Moondrops made of oily rainbows spread and blister into indigo bruises, chunky dried paint clusters on my heart.

Film: Truth or not there are always parts of us in the moving pixels – the ripples of alchemy, the light showing us the beauty in a simple object, an almost unnoticeable expression, the resplendence of a dewdrop on an eyelash. We need stories, and sometimes in motion – the eyes want loveliness and a screen is a pathway. Billowing daydreams out of your head, they mesh with images onscreen. We must always be moving. We must always be learning. The representation of horrors and triumphs and relationships and dance and fantasy – lay down and let it wash over the synapses, relax and let someone else think for you, meditate on imagery, melt into the visions of other human beings.

Nature: Light, storms, the fronds of trees, the tusks of elephants, the ferocity of lions, iridescent beetles, flies in spider cocoons, jewel eyes, sleek snakes in the reeds, clouds overpowering the blue, rain pummeling the grass, bull-rushes surrounding bullfrogs, chirping tuis, desert landscapes, every grain of sand a star in the universe, galaxies watching over us, the blindness of night, moon craters dipping into the tides, waves pushing forward the people brave enough to sway upon them, sunlight liquefied in leaves, wild blueberries, brambles and nettles, stinging ants, vines to entangle, Venus fly traps with piranha teeth, rivers gushing like orgasm, mountains to intimidate,
vicious sharp-teeth lurking in the deep, talons coming down from the sky, let’s all go to the sea and dip our toes into the infinite, drown ourselves in life, all of us are water, all of us are earth, we are all air, we are all fire.

People: My sister, my brother, you are made of all the same matter, your cells split for the same reasons, your limbs move for the same purpose, your brains are the same empty matter to fill – please unfurl it into a lengthy vine, let each leaf grow into a dream, let each flower bloom into a song. The sun for your brain is curiousity, the water for your brain is literature, the food for your brain is creativity, the sustenance for your brain is companionship, human and non-human, to lift you, push you, move with you, entangle you, embrace you – churn out all the beauty in you to crash down like comets into the world, to shoot like meteors into minds shrouded with steel – break them open, break me open, show me my downfalls, lead me into life, utopia hides in the dark.

Food: Luscious dripping mango, sticky lines down my throat, lemon rinds and orange zests, indigo   berries, scarlet apples, freckled bananas, the sweet roots of lettuce. Sun dried tomatoes chewed to pulp, a tang of grape, a sweet pudding of date squished between molars, scents from within, pomegranate pupils, nostrils pressed into durian pods. Pineapple cuts my tongue into razor edges,
unripe,  eyes feast on coconuts, nibbles of dandelion leaves, wild salal, crisp snap peas, projectile tomato seeds, stains on teeth, smears on cheeks, smiles on lips.

Animals: The softness of down on the cheek. Purrs assimilate with your breath. Wagging tails align with heartbeats. Strong muscles built with wild fruits and emerald blades cross your gaze in the jungle. Eyes peer from the trees. Elephants loom above with parasol ears, they cross the plains and touch the bones of lost ones. Lions laze in a daze. Elsewhere sharks loom, and jellyfish pulsate. Bats hover. Narwhals dive. Dolphins scatter and come together, twisting pleasure. Caribou in snow leaving little twig toe prints, suede-noses, steam breath, fine velvet antlers. Babies tiptoeing behind. Moose with voluminous crowns. Diamond backed otters. Zen-like cows as if dipped in inks. Sloth babies murmur and eat hibiscus. Pandas tumble in the bamboo. Falcons dip their toes into the thermals. Condors gaze down, the rare spies of above. Wolves rake their lips back and teeth shine. Lemurs dance upon fruit peels. Crocodiles bake their curled grins and arched backs. Where are the mammoths, where are the dodos? Where will the tigers be? where will we be without them all?

Fashion: Drape tiger-lilies around me, so I can slip into the sunlight. Adorn me with feathers so I can fly on to dance floors. Rocking-horse heels, sequined eyelids, rainbow tresses, popsicle lips – my ears droop with rubies, my legs are shellacked with latex. I am encased in spiderwebs, I am dipped in linen. Screaming bodies say to paint them with fabric, leave no limb neglected.

Sex: The loss of innocence only to be born again the moment you stop, then over and over until you feel every blood cell move with lightspeed to your chest, all at once, the cerebral cortex like a chainsaw cutting through your spine, opening you like a peach to swallow every morsel, all atoms suddenly visible, all focused on the moment, every thought here and now, you are the zen master.
Sex will electrify the world, the untapped energy source, the new fuel.

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Inspiration is endless – all you need to do is look, keep open, appreciate constantly, and be aware of beauty in amongst the gloom.

This is by no means a complete list – I just wanted to get it out there or I could write it for years.

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Photos all from Pinterest. Top 2: Unknown. 3: Vali Myers (Moby DIck). 4. Doom Generation film still (weird movie, great visuals). 5: National Geographic (I think). 6. Hans Silvester (Natural Fashion: Tribal Decoration From Africa). 7/8/9/10: Unknown.