How to Feel Alive

Lorra Fae Wildfire of Passion School writes about how to feel alive, how to really live, poetry about life, naomi campbell with a cheetah running in the wind

Only certain things make me feel completely alive.

I don’t want to feel alive only some of the time.

I need a vigor and a lust to feel free, or when the day ends I feel like my minutes and seconds have been wasted on the minutiae of life, the things that really do not matter.

Where is the lasciviousness, the wonder? Where is the amazement and glory and heart-racing buzz that comes with a life fully lived?

I only feel alive when I’m adventurous
When I am fully immersed in the moment
I feel alive only when I am interacting with the real
When I am writing in full speed
When it flows like potions
When it just screams out and I can’t contain it
I can’t help but dance
because there is only motion
I can’t help but run
because there is only wind
I can’t help but kiss and squeal and swoon
because there is only desire

Every morsel tastes like orgasms
Every touch feels like the universe is coursing through my blood
Every movement feels like I’m a warrior
Every breath feels like fresh forest streams

Sex feels like I’m in another dimension
Love feels like the only thing that exists
Nature feels like the only real home
Sleep feels like a teacher
Waking feels like rebirth
So it can all begin again
Where life can seep through the pores
Into the viscous fluid of the veins

Passion is the true blood in the body
We so seldom let it flow
My blood will be replaced with the universal elixir…

It’s called LIVING.

~~~

Recommended Reading:

Why You are Wild.
Wildling Manifesto.

~~~

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If you enjoyed this post (or any of my posts!), please consider a small (or large!) donation to fund my way to a martial arts seminar. There are rewards for certain amounts given, so please help out with a “tip” or a gift! You’ll be helping me to improve so I can teach other women to kick ass in the future!

You can also follow me on:

Instagram: Lorrafae and Passion School

Twitter: MissLorra

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How to Have a Happy Life

There is only one person in the world who is responsible for your happiness.

You.

This is pretty much the most important realization that you will ever have in your entire life. The moment you take responsibility for yourself and your choices is more powerful and freeing than anything else you could possibly imagine.

It will FREE you.

The answer to every problem is usually the simplest, but we love to over-complicate things. Yes, sometimes things are complex, but the answers are still usually able to be put in blunt terms.

Have a shitty job? Quit.

Have a horrible relationship? Leave.

Despise your school? Switch or drop out. You can learn on your own.

Sick of your messy house? Get rid of most of your stuff.

Bored of everything? It’s because you’re boring. Challenge yourself. Become adventurous.

Hate the world? Make it better. Help someone.

Tired of being ill? Nourish yourself properly. Start sleeping enough. Get outside. Learn from people who are actually extremely healthy, not people with prescription pads.

Lonely? Take the abundant love you have inside you and give it to yourself. Get out there. Do things. You’ll meet people. Don’t be a dick. Respect others, do good things, and you won’t be lonely. It’s impossible. Even if you’re alone, you will love being with you.

Trapped? ESCAPE. People have broken out of jail, escaped from other countries, and done everything possible to get out of bad situations. If you want it badly enough, you will make it happen. There is always a way.

If you are seriously miserable in a situation, you are rarely trapped. You DO have options. You might not like them, but have you thought of them all? (No, they are endless). Have you really gone out of your comfort zone? That is where the answers lie.

Isn’t your life worth it? Isn’t being happy worth it? Otherwise, can you call it living?

You can’t be happy unless you make it a priority, and only you know what makes you happy. If you don’t know, you need to do some deep soul searching, because who wants to be bored, lonely, and depressed their entire lives? Do you want to be a curmudgeon? Do you want to die regretful?

Sometimes people think they are happy, but they numb out with the typical things, tricking themselves, but they ignore their true desires because those things got buried in the muck of whatever life threw at them.

Life bumps do happen. Tragedies occur, obviously. But people get through them, people get by, people heal. And the ones who don’t  – why? Staying stuck in the same spot forever is doing you no good. It’s like cement around your ankles. Get a sledgehammer and MOVE. The only way to happiness is THROUGH shitty times, and to gain the strength to say FUCK NO to whatever is holding you from that happiness. It’s to say you are worth having a good life – no one else is going to give it to you. Even if you are handed anything you could ever want, if you don’t feel you deserve it, it won’t matter.

Believe you deserve a good life. If you are a good person, you deserve to be happy, just because you are alive.

 

~~~

Please leave a comment!!

If you enjoyed this post (or any of my posts!), please consider a small (or large!) donation to fund my way to a martial arts seminar. There are rewards for certain amounts given, so please help out with a “tip” or a gift! You’ll be helping me to improve so I can teach other women to kick ass in the future!

You can also follow me on:

Instagram: Lorrafae

Twitter: MissLorra

Facebook: Lorra Fae Wildfire

Snapchat: Lorrafae

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How to Love Someone Without Scaring Them Away

 

I am the first to admit that when I used to get involved with someone, I would fall hard and fast like granite. I know I’m not alone. This is pretty typical, because INFATUATION feels like LOVE…sort of.

Infatuation feels frenzied, intense, overwhelming, like you NEED the person. You are drunk on them, they are your addiction.

Love feels more centered, calm, and REAL. It feels natural, and DEEP. It is so easy to confuse the two, especially if you haven’t yet experienced long-term love feelings, and I certainly had not in my earlier life.

Here’s the guide to getting involved without scaring them off!

 

1. KNOW that it is not love right away, it’s infatuation.

Infatuation is FUN, but do not confuse it with love. Love at first sight is bullshit. You might argue with me on this because it happened to YOU – but hey! I never said it never works out. Even if you have had a lifelong love affair with the person you “fell in love with”  immediately, it was not love – it morphed into it.

You do not know a person, not truly, for years. Everyone is on their best behaviour at first – you start to love how amazing they are, idealize them, and think that having them in your life will make YOU a better person, and you want to do the same for them. You want to drown in each other because your pheromones are off the charts and you want to surf that wave of serotonin every fucking day until you pass out, just to wake up and do it again.

When you start to feel like you are in withdrawal from not being around them, ask yourself if you’re in love with the person and all their faults, or in love with your image of them, or their POTENTIAL (ugh)! In the beginning, that’s all it can be. Love is based on reality. If your partner seems to have no negative side, you are deceiving yourself. Perfection is a fantasy.

2. Have a really amazing life of your own.

Never give up the things you love doing in order to be with someone new. This is fucking terrifying for them. I will never forget this guy I was nuts for in 2005. I was planning to visit him (an addition to an overseas trip I’d been planning already), and at one point he said he loved me so much that he’d pick me over music, which was his major passion. We hadn’t even met in person yet. It was in this instance that I started to feel major trepidations. I should have just ended it there, but lo and behold, when we met, it didn’t take long for me to get absolutely sick of him and understand why clinginess was so absolutely nauseating. I’d never really dealt with it before and it made me look at myself and how I tended to scare people off.

When I got involved with my current sweetheart, I was planning to embark on a solo trip to Thailand and Australia for a month. We were not officially a couple, but we were absolutely smitten with each other and there was part of me that didn’t want to take off for so long.

But I was older, way smarter, super confident and independent. I knew it wasn’t love at that point, even though I adored him (I’d known him for 16 years but not romantically). There was no way in hell I was going to stop my life in order to “be” with him. If it was anything worthwhile then it would continue when I returned. I’d been planning this trip for 2 years – can you imagine if someone just was like “nah” and cancelled their dream vacation to be with someone they just got involved with? Would that make you admire the person? It would give me the creeps. Why would you give up your dreams and passions just to hang out and fuck someone you barely know all day? That can happen the majority of the time outside of everything else, but never make your relationship your ONLY reason for living. Being someone’s ONLY source of pleasure is completely awful, because then you feel pressured to live not only your life for you, but for them, too, and they will always depend on you to feel awesome.

3. Figure out how they feel loved

There are 5 particular ways people show love according to The 5 Love Languages, and you should figure this out pretty quickly if you want them to feel appreciated and cared for. However, at first, keep everything simple, sporadic, and wait a while before doing anything over the top. Do they feel loved when you make time for them? Give them presents? Do they feel most loved when you speak about it out loud? Show them physically? For me, effort means everything. Getting a ton of presents would make me feel awkward and smothered.

4. Do the opposite of what you usually do

One of the best things I ever did in terms of relationships was to do the complete opposite of almost everything I did in previous ones. This is the best way to break out of a pattern, especially if you are in the habit of becoming needy or obsessive, and scaring off potentially wonderful partners! Make a list of your typical relationship habits – dig deep, and then commit to trying everything contrary next time and see what happens. This changed my entire life, and I use this method in everything I’ve struggled with, not just relationships.

 If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. ‘ – Tony Robbins.

5. Don’t talk too much shit about your past relationships, if ever

This just makes you seem obsessive, and that’s never a good thing. No one wants to hear about your old woes, unless they ask or it is pertinent to the conversation. If you are endlessly negative, it’s going to push that person away and then they will wonder what you’re going to say about them!

6. Allow them space to be themselves.

Let them know, with actions and not just words, that you want them to be able to express themselves, and that you will not get in their way. Loving someone hard means allowing them to do what they need to do to be THEMSELVES. If you want to be with a musician (for a very good example) don’t expect to come first. Often, when people are intensely into something (which is very attractive), you will always come second, especially in the beginning. Is this bad? Not necessarily. If they feel loved enough to be able to live life the way they want and be who they are, they will respect and appreciate your relationship so much more. To try and hold someone back is the worst thing you can possibly do in a relationship – and the same goes for if someone is trying to do this for you. Even worse, if you find yourself being held back by someone, get out FAST. Sometimes it happens without you even realizing it! You will feel so repressed that you will explode, and probably not in a purely positive way (happened to me). Make sure you let your loved one be who they need to be, and make sure they let you do the same.

That being said, if you are being completely neglected, that person is not right for you, and you should not try to change them. Find someone more suitable.

7. Don’t put in more effort than the other person, make sure it is equal.

If you are putting in everything you’ve got, and they’re not, then it’s completely unbalanced. You might even be putting them off. If they are not matching you in enthusiasm, back off, or just give it up completely and find someone else.

8. Look at the relationship as a journey and not a destination.

Have FUN. Don’t take relationships so seriously, and don’t grasp on as if it’s your last hope. You want to know you are truly compatible with someone, and it really doesn’t take a huge amount of time to figure that out. You don’t want an air of desperation, because that is gross and off-putting to everyone. Get to know someone slowly, and if you feel in your gut that it’s not going to work, then DON’T CONTINUE. That is a waste of time. That is cruel to the other person, especially if they really like you and hope for something more serious.

If you go into something with the thoughts of MARRIAGE! KIDS! then you will probably jump in way too quickly and find out later that it was a poor idea.

9. LISTEN to them and COMMUNICATE

See everyone as your teacher. If you listen and take an interest in what your loved one is doing, even if it’s not what you’re into, the effort will mean a lot. Besides, you should always be learning from your partner.

Also, be clear and don’t expect anyone to know what you want or read your mind. Passive aggressive behaviour and not being open are going to stack against you, quickly. Say what is important and what is necessary.

10. Don’t hide anything important

Your sweetheart doesn’t need to know all your tiny weird habits, but declare anything big that might change their whole perception of you.  This may very well scare someone off, but that means they are not right for you, and you have saved both of yourselves some time.

11. Remember things that are super important to them. Little things count the most.

Forgetting important things cannot be rectified by flowers and apologies, unless it’s a rare occurrence. Make sure you pay attention.

12. Make sure that you are well matched before getting deeply involved.

The most unloving thing to do is to ignore your instincts and have someone fall for you if you know early on that it’s unlikely going to work. Your intuition will guide you. Listen to it!

13. Don’t make your whole life about them, and make sure they don’t make their whole life about you.

Put your energy into yourself, your friends, your animal companions, your work – so many people make the mistake of putting ALL their energy into one other person. It does take energy and effort to grow something beautiful with a partner, but in the beginning, chill out and continue to live the life you were living pre-other-person. It’s hard to do, I know, because it’s ultra-exciting. That doesn’t make it love.

14. Things have to grow, not just appear.

This was something I heard from an ex of mine, after we broke up – we were together two weeks. I was 25. I was SHATTERED. I hadn’t felt like that for someone in a long time, and I just threw myself into it – so did he, but he freaked out, obviously. Even though it took me quite a while to figure out what had happened (it seems so obvious to me now), I completely agree with him. Love doesn’t just magically happen. It IS magical, but love grows. Infatuation can be instant, but like I said before, love must be cultivated, tended to, nurtured over time. You can’t just stick a seed in the ground and expect a fucking rose to be there the next day. It takes a lot of patience and coaxing, and it will develop IF everything is right. You can tell fairly quickly what is missing, and if it worth continuing. Some things just won’t grow, no matter how much you pour into the soil.

15. Enjoy YOURSELF

The typical “If you can’t love yourself, how can you love anyone else?” thing is annoyingly true. If you need someone else to validate your existence, you need to turn inward before getting involved with anyone, and make yourself into a person you are proud of. You have to think you are awesome, or you are going to settle for a lot of shit, including shit people. When you are full of love for yourself, confident, and know you are amazing, people notice, and they will flock to you. You will have your choice of amazing people to have in your life.

16. Knock the Jealousy

If you try to own someone, show that you mistrust them, and generally monitor their every move – you’re going to piss them off and scare them off. I mean duh. If you are that mistrusting of someone, either don’t be with them at all, or get confident in yourself. Jealousy is stupid and a relationship killer.

I hope these tips help, because I know they have worked for me. Please leave any other suggestions in the comments!

 

Recommended Reading:

I Need Your Love – Is That True?
Why Men Love Bitches
The Vortex
Be the Person You Want to Find

The Love Of Others

For the people in my life, I want you to know

I adore you
It doesn’t matter if I met you yesterday
or 35 years ago
or in another life
I know if it’s real
and i will show you

if you are my friend
i will miss you

if you are a soul mate
you don’t have to be my lover
there are so many souls i connect with
but yet so few that truly lock

if you are my friend
then i admire you
i may not be interested in everything you like
but i will share in your joys

if you are my friend then
your effort means more to me
than anything else

i don’t care what your job is
i don’t care what your income is
i don’t care what is between your legs
or who you let between them

i care that you are kind
that you are fun
that you are open
and that you are a vibrant light
that shines bright in my life

and i want to do the same for you
i will respect you
forgive you
and show my sorrow if I have wronged you

and i will always care about you
whether we fight
whether we go years without speaking
whether we never see each other again

there is always enough love in my heart
to include you
there is infinite space in this small organ
like a house of leaves
it feels bursting

How to Know You Love Life

– You want to record everything in words and pictures, endlessly
– you scream lovingly when you see your friends
– you dance whenever there is a moment to do so
– you immerse yourself deeply into all written words
– you get sad that there is not enough time to read everything
– you wish for immortality
– you give copious amounts of kisses to whoever you deem worthy
– you dress with zest
– no moments of your days are wasted, even the restful ones are purposeful
– dying doesn’t seem like an option
– you eat the foods that sustain your vitality, the ones with life still in them
– you think for yourself and eschew most media
– every moment is an opportunity for creative expression
– you never emulate, you just extract inspiration
– the library is your second home
– people cannot keep up with you
– your brain is firing all synapses
– sex is a jungle of limbs and hair, fire and lips

– trees are meant for climbing, snow is meant for sliding, rain is meant for showering, caves are meant for kissing, forests are made for running, art is meant for devouring, fruit is meant for inhaling, breath is made for laughing, animals are meant for hugging, sun is meant for frolicking, youth is meant for deviancy, elder years are meant for rebellion, school is meant for revolution, travel is meant for drinking in all aspects of living

– you stand proud and rock your body, whatever your size
– you’re an artist
– you run into the ocean whenever you can
– you only eat plants because you respect that animals want to live, too
– you worship yourself instead of a deity
– you engage all your senses at all times
– sleep is a sacred activity
– you prefer experiences to material things
– your thoughts stay positive, despite negative influences
– love is your purpose for living
– you get intoxicated by flowers
– you get high on the scent of the woods
– you say yes way more often than no
– you say no when it feels right
– you don’t put up with anyone’s bullshit
– you show your loved ones you cherish them
– you’re grateful for everything you have
– you choose the high dive

– you run instead of walk, you fight instead of run, you love instead of fight

– seeing music live makes you swoon
– you have parties on rooftops
– wasting time is a criminal offense
– nothing can stop you
– skinny dipping is mandatory
– people call you brash, brazen, wild, zany, fabulous, a dynamo
– your hair is always blowing in the wind
– every moment presents itself as a lesson or a gift
– failure is a myth, there are only set-backs
– you scoff at death
– sharing your life with animals is an honor
– giving birth is the most powerful thing you can do
– your money goes towards experiences and traipsing the globe
– customs people know you by name

– you always choose “dare”

– swimming pools are always open, despite fences
– your symbol is an ankh
– you tell people you love that you love them, constantly
– you can freestyle compliments with great flow and emotion
– your vocabulary is vast and rampant
– people are enraptured with your stories
– you’re constantly told to write a book
– you swim in fountains
– you dance on tables
– you sleep during class because you’ve been too busy living
– you bounce energy back and forth with everyone
– all of your friends are just as playful as you are, because that’s who you attract to yourself
– you don’t give a shit how you look when you dance
– you always chase “first times”
– you have car picnics in the winter
– the beauty everywhere makes your heart palpitate
– grand vistas give you exploding heart syndrome
– you imagine a soundtrack playing at all times because your life would make an epic movie
– you are fascinated by everything
– boredom is a foreign concept
– you have a cause you vigilantly fight for
– you are a fidget because you have pent up energy
– you have to be utterly exhausted in order to sleep (but you usually are exhausted because you never stop moving)
– motorcycles are preferable to bicycles, but bicycles are preferable to cars (unless those cars are convertibles and going awesomely fast).
– people know you’re a supernova with one glace
– you feel like a teenager even if you’re in menopause
– you love being with people, but you adore time on your own just as much, if not more
– you transcend death

~~

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I am Inspired by Everything


Music: Ups and downs, churns and timpanies, gruff growls and intense booms, vibrating vibrato and deep cool burns. The lashing of tongues and spitting of screams. The banshees and the sweet tinkle of bell-voices. The lacerating manic shrieks, the diamond violins, the thundering drums, the lightning keys, the blistering bayonet of basslines. I may suck in my breath for a whole bridge, or grit my teeth for a chorus cacophony, feeling every pore contract and every hair extend. When it pulses through each vein and hits my heart with a well strung arrow, I know it has hit that pulsating organ with all the energy I could possibly need for months.

Literature: The stream and twist of the letters in sequence, a lift in my breath from a lift in verisimilitude, the bloom of events meant to stir deliquium, the cozy familiarity of characters who feel real – concoctions probably based on reality, who are they? I want to know them. I want to dive into a page and swim with syntax, the page water and the ink swells, an oil spill of knowledge, the waves of paragraphs pushing me toward the shore of conclusion.

Art: Ink blots, Rorschach spreading into birds, faces, dandelions, gorillas, apples, forests, hydrangeas, gowns, nebulae – pearls of watercolours, crystals formed of clay, scratches of chalk, caramelized pastels, acrylic constellations, crayon creatures, they all speak to me because I am made of colours and pigments. My brain is grey so as to be infused with brightness and  fuchsia and marigold, neon leaves and vibrant lilac skies. Moondrops made of oily rainbows spread and blister into indigo bruises, chunky dried paint clusters on my heart.

Film: Truth or not there are always parts of us in the moving pixels – the ripples of alchemy, the light showing us the beauty in a simple object, an almost unnoticeable expression, the resplendence of a dewdrop on an eyelash. We need stories, and sometimes in motion – the eyes want loveliness and a screen is a pathway. Billowing daydreams out of your head, they mesh with images onscreen. We must always be moving. We must always be learning. The representation of horrors and triumphs and relationships and dance and fantasy – lay down and let it wash over the synapses, relax and let someone else think for you, meditate on imagery, melt into the visions of other human beings.

Nature: Light, storms, the fronds of trees, the tusks of elephants, the ferocity of lions, iridescent beetles, flies in spider cocoons, jewel eyes, sleek snakes in the reeds, clouds overpowering the blue, rain pummeling the grass, bull-rushes surrounding bullfrogs, chirping tuis, desert landscapes, every grain of sand a star in the universe, galaxies watching over us, the blindness of night, moon craters dipping into the tides, waves pushing forward the people brave enough to sway upon them, sunlight liquefied in leaves, wild blueberries, brambles and nettles, stinging ants, vines to entangle, Venus fly traps with piranha teeth, rivers gushing like orgasm, mountains to intimidate,
vicious sharp-teeth lurking in the deep, talons coming down from the sky, let’s all go to the sea and dip our toes into the infinite, drown ourselves in life, all of us are water, all of us are earth, we are all air, we are all fire.

People: My sister, my brother, you are made of all the same matter, your cells split for the same reasons, your limbs move for the same purpose, your brains are the same empty matter to fill – please unfurl it into a lengthy vine, let each leaf grow into a dream, let each flower bloom into a song. The sun for your brain is curiousity, the water for your brain is literature, the food for your brain is creativity, the sustenance for your brain is companionship, human and non-human, to lift you, push you, move with you, entangle you, embrace you – churn out all the beauty in you to crash down like comets into the world, to shoot like meteors into minds shrouded with steel – break them open, break me open, show me my downfalls, lead me into life, utopia hides in the dark.

Food: Luscious dripping mango, sticky lines down my throat, lemon rinds and orange zests, indigo   berries, scarlet apples, freckled bananas, the sweet roots of lettuce. Sun dried tomatoes chewed to pulp, a tang of grape, a sweet pudding of date squished between molars, scents from within, pomegranate pupils, nostrils pressed into durian pods. Pineapple cuts my tongue into razor edges,
unripe,  eyes feast on coconuts, nibbles of dandelion leaves, wild salal, crisp snap peas, projectile tomato seeds, stains on teeth, smears on cheeks, smiles on lips.

Animals: The softness of down on the cheek. Purrs assimilate with your breath. Wagging tails align with heartbeats. Strong muscles built with wild fruits and emerald blades cross your gaze in the jungle. Eyes peer from the trees. Elephants loom above with parasol ears, they cross the plains and touch the bones of lost ones. Lions laze in a daze. Elsewhere sharks loom, and jellyfish pulsate. Bats hover. Narwhals dive. Dolphins scatter and come together, twisting pleasure. Caribou in snow leaving little twig toe prints, suede-noses, steam breath, fine velvet antlers. Babies tiptoeing behind. Moose with voluminous crowns. Diamond backed otters. Zen-like cows as if dipped in inks. Sloth babies murmur and eat hibiscus. Pandas tumble in the bamboo. Falcons dip their toes into the thermals. Condors gaze down, the rare spies of above. Wolves rake their lips back and teeth shine. Lemurs dance upon fruit peels. Crocodiles bake their curled grins and arched backs. Where are the mammoths, where are the dodos? Where will the tigers be? where will we be without them all?

Fashion: Drape tiger-lilies around me, so I can slip into the sunlight. Adorn me with feathers so I can fly on to dance floors. Rocking-horse heels, sequined eyelids, rainbow tresses, popsicle lips – my ears droop with rubies, my legs are shellacked with latex. I am encased in spiderwebs, I am dipped in linen. Screaming bodies say to paint them with fabric, leave no limb neglected.

Sex: The loss of innocence only to be born again the moment you stop, then over and over until you feel every blood cell move with lightspeed to your chest, all at once, the cerebral cortex like a chainsaw cutting through your spine, opening you like a peach to swallow every morsel, all atoms suddenly visible, all focused on the moment, every thought here and now, you are the zen master.
Sex will electrify the world, the untapped energy source, the new fuel.

~~~~

Inspiration is endless – all you need to do is look, keep open, appreciate constantly, and be aware of beauty in amongst the gloom.

This is by no means a complete list – I just wanted to get it out there or I could write it for years.

~~~~

Photos all from Pinterest. Top 2: Unknown. 3: Vali Myers (Moby DIck). 4. Doom Generation film still (weird movie, great visuals). 5: National Geographic (I think). 6. Hans Silvester (Natural Fashion: Tribal Decoration From Africa). 7/8/9/10: Unknown.