The Art of Spazzing

Yesterday I had a little mishap (and a triumph – 4 years raw!).

I had posted a video on facebook – a link to a documentary called Eating. I had looked around for this for a while and since it was available to watch on youtube, I posted a link saying “If you’re at all interested in your health, watch this.”

A lone person decided that this was offensive. She was tired of me “ramming” my ideals down everyone’s throats, which amused me since I was only sharing a movie, and not bashing anyone, and I never do. It turned into a personal attack on me and my lifestyle so in reality, she was the one berating me. She became that which she was accusing me of.

I started to think about the book The Four Agreements, one of which is “Don’t take anything personally.”

I find that when something offends me, it is never intentionally meant to offend ME. Or anyone. Whoever is talking or sharing is simply putting their opinions out there, sharing information, and spinning a tapestry of links to others, hopefully to enrich their lives. This is why I share what I share. If I was a person of the “ramming” sort, I would be focusing on particular individuals and damning them for their choices.

Now, this person deleted me. Fair enough. I have done the same with a few others – most of whom add nothing to my life, insult me, or post actual offensive things. I never say anything, though – I don’t feel the need to cause drama. I don’t take their stuff personally – we just don’t connect on most levels. Hell, I don’t connect to anyone on ALL levels, but I know that even if we disagree on certain things, we all have things to teach one another, and if there is caring and love there, then it is worth keeping a link open.

There is an art to “spazzing” I have found. Here’s the list:

1. Figure out why you are offended. Is someone bullying you, or attacking you personally? Or are you just bothered by something they shared? If it’s the former, then you can choose to just ignore or walk away, or you can become just like the perpetrator and become a volcano with lava darkening your eyes and flames coming out of your nose. You fan fire instead of smothering it before it spreads.
If it’s the latter, realize that someone sharing some information is never a personal attack on you. Neither is a personal “attack” – not really. If someone is bothered by you, then they have their own spazzy reasons for being offended as well. Did you mean to rile them up? Doubtful. If you did…well…get a life.

2. Realize that if you feel the need to be “right” then you just feel weak to begin with. The person in question just raised your awareness of the fact. No one can make you feel weak, stupid, guilty, or wrong – they can only make you aware of the fact you already felt that way. Find out why. Stand for something. No one could make me feel dumb about my choices because they form the foundation of my belief system. I don’t feel a need to bash other people to make myself feel superior, what good does that do me? Or others? Does it make me MORE right? No. So why say anything at all? Chill.

3. If you really want to say something, be smart and kind. Leave the smarmy remarks out of it. It just makes you look juvenille and attention-seeking.

4. There are times that definitely call for spazzing – like when someone just won’t leave you alone, no matter what you do or say. The thing is – if you are normally a calm person in these sorts of situations (the type that REQUIRE actual dialogue), getting mad will  be very shocking and demand the person take note. I always notice when someone is a super chill type and then they explode – it’s scary, and I never want to experience it again. If someone is always dramatic – yawn.

So pick your battles – most of them are not very important. Move on, zip your lip (or stop typing), and spend your time doing something worthwhile. Are you gonna give a crap about this supposed infraction in a week? A year?  No. You’re gonna wish you played with your kid, did some exercise, read a book, painted, went for a hike, had a nap, made a meal, etc – yer not gonna even remember in a month anyway – so just forget it. You don’t need to be “right” unless it’s for your own well-being .Do you need to spaz at other people in the process? Didn’t think so.

Your True Nature

Sometimes I wonder how I became so defensive, so snarly, so irritable.

I am not generally those ways, but I sure can be! I have a cruel streak that swims through me like a minnow – I always manage to block it with nets, but it is there, lurking, nasty. It is always repressed, but the knowledge that it exists sort of scares me.

I know I’m not alone. I am naturally a sweet, kind person. So how did all this start?

It’s different for everyone, of course, but mine all started in elementary school when I was the easy-to-pick-on kid – I never fought back, I just cried, or lived in fear of everyone else. Maybe this is why I am such a loner – wow, epiphany! Avoidance of pain then = antisocial now!

But the ability to be mean – that cultivated in high school, after a decade of being picked on – I finally snapped, and it worked. I was suspicious of everyone, always thinking I would have to defend myself. I’ve never really lost that – but I’ve never lost my original, sensitive self, either.

I hate hurting people. I don’t like being in any sort of situation where my defenses get riled up. Most of the time they are not necessary. I have a hold on them, usually, but it can take a lot of effort . Sometimes I want an excuse to be mean. After some thought, I realized why – so I could “get back” at all those people who tormented me as a kid, who I never got to stand up to. SO I can prove to myself over and over that I am not weak, that I can be strong.

But random people, or even people I know – they aren’t those childhood demons. They’re just as messed up from their childhoods as I am. But underneath any nastiness, they are still the sweet, beautiful innocents that want to thrive – everyone wants harmony, everyone wants compassion, and everyone wants to feel gritty enough to survive.

Lashing out at other people is not in our nature – it is just an effect of what has happened to us early on (and sometimes later) in life. Our base beliefs are formed within the first seven years of our lives. It is not our faults. It IS our responsibility to change our triggers, though. We need to come out of the victim state – in ALL ways. Make every decision a conscious one, and if you find yourself lashing out in a way you normally would not, be aware of it, and then think about who you are really angry with.

I used to fantasize about my high school reunion, hoping someone would bring up rumours from back then, so I could shame them. I used to hope everyone would be fat and wrinkled, and I could be the sole slender, youthful one – so arrogant, right? But this would have been my great revenge. I don’t think about that anymore – I still think it would be awesome to look fantastic, but more so I can help people discover a healthy lifestyle and NOT because I want to feel above them all.

It’s trite – I am not that sensitive, picked-on child anymore – but I still identify with her – obviously. That child still wants to be able to stand up for herself. Since she can’t go back in time, that fire may spew to someone completely unsuspecting, or someone who loves her.

Once you really tap into this, then you can remember it every time you interact with someone. It also makes you much calmer and clear if you do get into an argument or fight with someone else, or  if someone treats you poorly. You can actually come at it from a place of intellect, instead of your ego/emotions which all stem from SOMETHING in your past. Figure out what that is.

I just want to mention that there are definitely times you want to be angry, to be defensive, to stand your ground. But this isn’t about those times. This is for those times where you take things out on other people and it’s not deserved, the times where you end up feeling guilty, the moments you wish you could change.

You were born a sweet, loving thing. Remember that is your true nature. BE in the world that way – your world is reflected back at you. You see the good, or you see the bad, and if someone is being nasty to you, you will either respond back in the same way, or you can choose to be kind, and they will most likely mirror you back.

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(Not sure where the image is from originally – found on Pinterest.)