A Post About Perceived Beauty

Taken just now.

It’s really easy to focus on something about ourselves, even when it’s TINY, and think “Oh my god, I am HIDEOUS.”

Well, how many times have I done this to myself? “I’m too bloated! I’m not going out dancing, yuck!” or “I have the biggest zit, there is no way I could possibly be attractive to anyone.” “This scar on my face makes me so weird looking when I smile.” And on and on.

One of the biggest examples is from a decade ago, when someone I was enamoured with decided that he wasn’t quite as taken with me – this after spending several days together after a month of intense writing back and forth (we’d met in a different city, he’d come to visit me) – and of course I started to think: it’s because I’m too fat. It’s because I have all these scars.

And this caused me to start throwing up my food – ONLY junk food, of course (as if this made it okay) – luckily this wasn’t making any difference to my weight, I hated it, I hated myself even more, and it only lasted a few weeks.

So fast forward a decade – I am certainly more confident and positive than I was back then! But, I still have my days. For some unknown reason yesterday I developed a cold sore – I’m not sick, not stressed – who knows why? But it was mortifying – to have something so blatantly noticeable can make oneself feel disgusting and embarrassed – and of course, this next few weeks, I am working with the public, not in the back of the store as usual.

At first I was worried, but my coworkers didn’t even notice – they were like, “Huh?” when I asked them if I looked okay.

And for some reason I got this slap in the mouth from myself – to shine through this one tiny percentage of myself – and let all the rest of my outer and inner beauty overtake it – so that no one could POSSIBLY care, if they even noticed, about some stupid little blister.

And that will go for anything else you feel badly about – the people you admire, adore, love – do you EVER focus on their tiny little issues? No – you focus on their gorgeous minds, their creativity, their style, their passion – and even if you do notice their perceived flaws, you will eventually not notice because they are just fucking awesome. Beautiful people are beautiful regardless of their physical appearance.

Your tiny little flaws don’t matter. Just be awesome, be healthy, and throw your light out into the world. THAT will make you feel good. It worked for me today, and it will tomorrow. Just gotta remember this.

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