Homeless

Last day in my old house, July 2013.

I’ve felt homeless for a really long time.

Even the places I’ve lived have not felt like “home,” except for my parents’ house, and now they have moved away as well. So I have sort of embraced this homeless feeling and now it feels freeing instead of sad.

Right now I am a nomad in my own city. Since my last landlord was invading my space and swearing at me for unfounded reasons, I decided to split really quickly and now I am wandering, my small amount of possessions in storage, until I make a new move across the waters to Vancouver Island (again).

It was a really easy decision. This whole year has been about changes for me, new adventures, new challenges. I am just going with it. The flow is taking me over the ocean.

For this month I am taking care of other peoples’ animals and homes. I have only a few things with me, and honestly, I do not miss anything I have in storage except perhaps my journals, the only physical thing I am actually attached to.

I like this existence I have right now – I get to be in a large quiet house, comfortable, with animals around me, I don’t have to pay rent so all my money can go to things I want, or pay for things I wanted (like my trip), and afford better food.

The only thing I miss is my dog, who is staying with my parents.

To be free of stuff is very liberating. I want less and less, that way there will be more and more for travel and experiences, and for the lush fruits that sustain me.

I’m still working until the beginning of September at my bookstore job, and then I have no idea where I will be living, no idea where I’ll be working, but after the last year I have learned to let go, to realize that everything will work out, it always does.

All that bad shit I’ve been through – what was it again? I barely remember. I’m still here, so I obviously got through it – and so have you – so to worry is pointless. I am enjoying the ride of existence.

There was a short thunderstorm today, glorious. In Thailand I showered naked in the rain with lightning, something I’ve wanted to do for over 20 years – I cried.

I’ve always gotten what I’ve wanted, eventually, even if it was brief, even if it was 15 or 20 years later, but I have also learned to let go, to realize life is constant flux, and the best thing is to enjoy the moment – the cliche is so obvious, but also true.

There is always more work, places to live, people to meet, so I just keep my heart open and rush towards life, because it’s going to happen regardless – might as well make it interesting.

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