The Curse of “Bitchiness”

If you think I am a bitch…

…you are likely mirroring. Do you push your mood on me, send your hateful vibes in my direction, your undesirable intentions?

I can sense your energy and will mirror it back to you because that is the nature of humans. If you are well-intentioned, calm, and humble, expect the same, or an apology, because I know when I am hurtful and am deeply solemn when I am. The people who really know me, know this.

If you think I am a bitch…

…maybe you’re trying to get a rise out of me – it happens quite often, from all sorts of people, and if that’s the reaction you get, maybe you should take a hint and stop.

If you think I am a bitch…

…maybe you’re around me in the wrong circumstances: a shitty job, exhaustion, traffic, a confusing situation, the midst of a crisis. It’s never personal and I won’t take it out on you, but you will likely feel my energy and possibly take it personally. I do my best not to complain even though I might want to rage and scream, because I don’t want to bother you , and I don’t want to be seen as a bitch.

If you think I’m a bitch…

…you might just not know me. You might misread my face, which has happened my whole life. You might take bluntness as bitchiness because most people are not direct anymore, in an age of passive-aggressive tactics and being conditioned by social media. You might mistake my confusion as sharpness, a raise of the eyebrows as “What the fuck?” instead of “Wha?” You may mistake tiredness for anger. I don’t know, I can only control my face so much and thinking about it drives me crazy. I refuse to have a fake serene grin all the time, I don’t have time for fake.

If you think I’m a bitch…

…you clearly don’t know me. My mind is always churning about how to show people I love them. Unless I am preoccupied by something that is really bothering me, I will be very cautious about how I interact with you, especially if I know what you’re sensitive to. I always make an effort, I am an extreme empath. So unless you are wonderfully fake, or repress yourself super hard until you explode (common), I can read you, sense you, and feel your hurt. I am insanely apologetic if I know I am in the wrong, and in the past have even apologized when I felt I was in the right – just to clear the air, because I want positive feelings, I want to keep my friends, I want to focus on the love. I also want to be honest, direct, and true, and this can be mistaken for harshness, especially in writing. I have to remember not to have important discussions via internet because usually when I express a “negative” emotion, it comes through badly, when in my head it’s just my normal, calm speaking voice.

If you KNOW I am a bitch…

…then you have clearly wronged me, and I’ve responded brutally – but no one knows this because that is not how I am.

But I WILL be a bitch if I have to. I am fully capable, but it is highly unlikely you will ever see me REALLY be a “bitch.”

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