Yesterday I had a little mishap (and a triumph – 4 years raw!).
I had posted a video on facebook – a link to a documentary called Eating. I had looked around for this for a while and since it was available to watch on youtube, I posted a link saying “If you’re at all interested in your health, watch this.”
A lone person decided that this was offensive. She was tired of me “ramming” my ideals down everyone’s throats, which amused me since I was only sharing a movie, and not bashing anyone, and I never do. It turned into a personal attack on me and my lifestyle so in reality, she was the one berating me. She became that which she was accusing me of.
I started to think about the book The Four Agreements, one of which is “Don’t take anything personally.”
I find that when something offends me, it is never intentionally meant to offend ME. Or anyone. Whoever is talking or sharing is simply putting their opinions out there, sharing information, and spinning a tapestry of links to others, hopefully to enrich their lives. This is why I share what I share. If I was a person of the “ramming” sort, I would be focusing on particular individuals and damning them for their choices.
Now, this person deleted me. Fair enough. I have done the same with a few others – most of whom add nothing to my life, insult me, or post actual offensive things. I never say anything, though – I don’t feel the need to cause drama. I don’t take their stuff personally – we just don’t connect on most levels. Hell, I don’t connect to anyone on ALL levels, but I know that even if we disagree on certain things, we all have things to teach one another, and if there is caring and love there, then it is worth keeping a link open.
There is an art to “spazzing” I have found. Here’s the list:
1. Figure out why you are offended. Is someone bullying you, or attacking you personally? Or are you just bothered by something they shared? If it’s the former, then you can choose to just ignore or walk away, or you can become just like the perpetrator and become a volcano with lava darkening your eyes and flames coming out of your nose. You fan fire instead of smothering it before it spreads.
If it’s the latter, realize that someone sharing some information is never a personal attack on you. Neither is a personal “attack” – not really. If someone is bothered by you, then they have their own spazzy reasons for being offended as well. Did you mean to rile them up? Doubtful. If you did…well…get a life.
2. Realize that if you feel the need to be “right” then you just feel weak to begin with. The person in question just raised your awareness of the fact. No one can make you feel weak, stupid, guilty, or wrong – they can only make you aware of the fact you already felt that way. Find out why. Stand for something. No one could make me feel dumb about my choices because they form the foundation of my belief system. I don’t feel a need to bash other people to make myself feel superior, what good does that do me? Or others? Does it make me MORE right? No. So why say anything at all? Chill.
3. If you really want to say something, be smart and kind. Leave the smarmy remarks out of it. It just makes you look juvenille and attention-seeking.
4. There are times that definitely call for spazzing – like when someone just won’t leave you alone, no matter what you do or say. The thing is – if you are normally a calm person in these sorts of situations (the type that REQUIRE actual dialogue), getting mad will be very shocking and demand the person take note. I always notice when someone is a super chill type and then they explode – it’s scary, and I never want to experience it again. If someone is always dramatic – yawn.
So pick your battles – most of them are not very important. Move on, zip your lip (or stop typing), and spend your time doing something worthwhile. Are you gonna give a crap about this supposed infraction in a week? A year? No. You’re gonna wish you played with your kid, did some exercise, read a book, painted, went for a hike, had a nap, made a meal, etc – yer not gonna even remember in a month anyway – so just forget it. You don’t need to be “right” unless it’s for your own well-being .Do you need to spaz at other people in the process? Didn’t think so.